Yes, and… Let’s Stop Self-Censoring

For fuck’s sake, “sex” isn’t a bad word.

A few years ago, people started a trend of hate-reporting in the book/author community (similar to the one-star bombing of ye olde days). Basically, a petty person reports another post for abuse, getting it taken down while the social media person (or bot) reviews it. It devolved from there; with the explosive growth of social media during the pandemic and shutdowns, it was getting too much to manage, so companies started deploying AI to handle reports. If you’ve ever been in Facebook or Instagram jail, you know how poorly this system works.

Case in point: A couple weeks ago, one of my private accounts got banned from commenting. Whether I’m on my public persona (author) or personal accounts, I make it a point to always leave positive comments (or say nothing at all). So I truly have no idea what I said to upset the bots. (The comment that automatically got flagged and subsequently got me banned from commenting was, and I quote: “I swear the door only squeaks at night!” For context, the Reel was about how daytime sounds are a million times louder at night.) Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of similar stories akin to war tales about how various friends “got Zuck’d.”

We did this to ourselves.

To bypass the petty reports and bot flags, authors and readers alike started self-censoring. I get it; no one wants to deal with the hassle of a jailed account, especially if you get a high volume of engagement. Social media is now viewed as a currency nearly more valuable than actual money. It’s incredibly frustrating to watch your hard work get Zuck’d by AI that doesn’t understand context or nuance or sarcasm. The problem is, AI learns by what it consumes. Once we collectively started self-censoring, we unwittingly confirmed that “sex” is in fact a bad word.

As an artist, this really bugs me.

As a romance author, this enrages me.

Especially as a writer with a small social media following.

It was already challenging to get views on posts. It’s harder than ever now. I’ve noticed that when I post excerpts using any of the “dirty” words, I don’t get flagged, I’m just quietly stifled. Posts that perform well on one platform barely get 100 views on another. I refuse to self-censor to appease stupid AI or puritanical people. “Sex” is not a bad word. These platforms were created for adult use—most of them require users to be 14 years of age, and I know damn well my 14-year-old niece has heard worse than “seggs”—aimed at Millennials as we aged out of high school (RIP, MySpace). Facebook was originally made for college Millennials. TikTok, formerly known as musical.ly, was specifically created to share music (a form of art).

Books—yes, even romance, haters—are an art form. When authors and readers share excerpts, it’s a form of expression. When we self-censor (for example, turning “sex” into “seggs”), we’re stifling that expression. It also just looks ridiculous. (The irony of grown adults reading spicy romance while unable to bring themselves to type out the word “cock” doesn’t escape me.)

It’s gone so far, even Ariana Grande is self-censoring.

In her latest single, “Yes, And?”, she sings “say that shit with your chest and / be your own fucking best friend” in the uncensored version. In the same explicit version, she purposely bleeps out the word “dick” in the line “Why do you care so much whose dick I ride?”

This is an interesting choice since, just a few years ago, she released a song with the lyrics “wrist icicle, ride dick bicycle,” with the word “dick” loud and proud in both the explicit and radio-friendly versions of the song. It’s a sudden pivot from someone whose entire discography revolves around fiercely proud sexuality and lyrics to match.

It’s weird that Gen X and Millennials, who grew up flipping off the establishment, are now the biggest proponents of self-censorship, falling into line behind Gen Z (who seem overly sensitive to offending anyone, including AI).

I grew up in an era of fierce artistic expression. It kicked off in 1990 with the fight against Parental Advisory labels, continued with Prince changing his name to a symbol so that no one could own him, and escalated with gamers protesting the ESRB ratings brought on by the media blaming video games for violence. I so passionately believe in artistic freedom, I’m not even sure I love the wave of discreet romance covers. (Why are people ashamed to be reading romance and erotica in 2024? Ignore the haters and enjoy the smut!)

Maybe it’s because I’m an ’80s baby who cut my teeth on the ’90s no apologies attitude, but I just can’t get on board with self-censorship.

Fuck that.

Featured image via studiostoks / depositphotos