10 Ways to Alter Time Without Killing Hitler

We all know that killing Hitler creates a worse alternate reality like an even more horrific outcome of World War II or an infinite number of Full House spinoffs that eventually destroy space time. Yet, we all can agree that Hitler was a bad guy, and most people would probably sign up for a madcap sci fi adventure to kill the dude if it was spearheaded by Bratt Pitt and George Clooney (Ocean’s Infinity).

But why risk destroying space time with the Jackalope TV series, or Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen joins the Dino, Ninja, Infinity, Samurai, Jedi, Commando, Power Rangers (I’m currently under the impression that we are living in a Power Ranger spin off destruction of space time apocalypse).  

Buy Hitler’s art. We all know he was an art school dropout. What if one person believed in him as an artist? Like Michelle Pfiefer in that movie with the Coolio song. “You asked me once how I was gonna save your life. This is it. This moment. Now let’s put on that art show.”Take all the German troop transports and replace them with clown cars. People wouldn’t be able to take them very seriously when nazis start spilling out of clown cars.Give Indiana Jones the hot tip that Hitler’s mustache is an ancient artifact from biblical times (this may require photoshopping Hitler mustaches on paintings like the Last Supper). It will totally be worth it when Indiana tears the mustache off as he yells, “It belongs in a museum!” (This particular time travel theory is predicated on the mustache being the source of the dictator’s power).Take those targets painted on all the British planes and swap them with the German ones. Whose bright idea was it to paint a target on a plane anyway?Give Hitler a subscription to the History Channel. After he learns of all the terrible things he did in WWII and going down in history as the most over used time travel plot, maybe instead of invading Poland, he’ll use all of Germany’s resources to find “them ancient aliens.”Involve Hitler in a wacky romantic Hallmark adventure where he learns the true meaning of Christmas and the value of living in a small town leaving that big city workaholic life behind.Create reality TV decades earlier, set him up as a judge on American idol, so he can use all his sadistic urges to crush people’s dreams.Send him on a rocket ship to the moon. Wait… I think that was the plot of a movie…Provide the German people with sober and stable economic policies that will improve the conditions of everyone and prevent the rise of fascist populists who destroy democracy and resort to autocratic law… wait, sorry that was about America.Pugs balancing on beach balls in a tutu. Trust me, dictators find this hilarious, and it will distract him while you swap all his speeches with ones written by Greta Thunberg. No one can quite galvanize the people like Greta Thunberg.