My stumbling first steps on TikTok
TikTok, for money-starved people like me, is like the lottery. Everyone who thinks about taking part, thinks they’ll become famous and rich—preferably the latter. There are so many stories of people who have earned, and are earning, substantial amounts of dough on TikTok.
A granny in Dubuque does a series of roller skating videos and has just been booked on Jimmy Kimmel. Some 11-year-old kid constructs elaborate forts out of the Wall Street Journal and now has his own line of clothing. A Fed-Ex driver from Maine taught his cat to sing opera and will soon appear in the Hollywood Bowl. (I made those up, but I’m not far off.)
A friend, listening to my money woes, suggested I consider TikTok.
“You’d be great. The Art Herman videos you did for Instagram were ahead of their time. You should do them for TikTok.”
He was referring to a series of one-minute +/- videos I did as a crotchety, unshaven older guy with liver spots and odd opinions that I posted on Instagram a while back. I named the character Art Herman. Art is—what?—I guess a combination between Buster Keaton and an unhappy Bernie Sanders, minus the energy. Here’s a sample:
It was fun inhabiting a character I created and seeing what he would say. Often, I didn’t know until I started recording. Some videos were better than others, to be sure. A few people seemed to like them. Some people, like my younger sister, did not. (“Stop,” she said.) After about six months and a fan base hovering on modest, I did, in fact, stop.
But my friend remembered them. And as I say, he encouraged me. So, what the hell. I recorded a new Art Herman, and posted it on TikTok. And waited for the sponsors to call, offering me uncountable sums of money.
Instead, I got a series of people “liking” my video. These people were all very similar.
They were, almost to a person, female, scantily clothed, under 25—more probably under 20—with come-hither looks and lots of revealing photographs that Hugh Hefner would be happy to sort through. I am too straight-laced to post some of those photos here, but you can probably visualize them if you try or care.
I wondered why? Art Herman is nowhere near their age. Art could be 80+, has little hair, a grizzled look, no charisma and probably zero libido. Why are these “SexyLady 875632’s” responding to Art?
Being whip smart as I am, it didn’t take me too long to figure out that it was because of all these characteristics that they like Art. They must assume Art has some money, and that he is not too far from dying. The combination must seem irresistible. But how did they find Art? Do they have some kind of search engine whose setting is “old guy who may have very disposable income and looks on last legs”?
If they only knew about the money!
My ego was slightly bruised by their response being solely monetary instead of a reaction to Art’s wit and wisdom. To the outright cleverness of it all!
The road to riches is a longer one than I thought.
