The Gentle Art of Growth and Learning
I go through a gamut of emotions when I think over parts of my life with horses. Some of the things I did based on the information I had available to me at the time were not what was best for the horses and certainly not what I would do now.
This extends beyond training to all aspects of horse care. Things I learned about nutrition and hoof care, how the diet affects the hooves. And just how many horses are teetering on the edge of laminitis, showing signs I never knew to look for, but do now.
At times I feel a lot of guilt about what I’ve done in the past when I didn’t know better. Back when I thought nothing of leaving a horse stalled twenty hours a day, or thought shoeing a horse to make him sound was a good idea, or believed that horses have a strict hierarchy with one single horse that is always dominant, or that “moving his feet” made my horse respect me, or that draw reins and martingales were effective training tools, or that longeing a young horse was OK as long as the circle wasn’t too tight, or that it’s safe for a horse to pull back as long as he’s tied level with his wither, or any number of other half-truths or flat out bad information I was taught in my early years with horses.
I find myself wishing I could go back and apologize to these horses that suffered from my ignorance. I feel guilty that I likely caused pain or discomfort, or confused and frustrated or even scared a horse through some of the techniques I once used. I worry perhaps I shortened the useful life of a horse (in this case useful = serviceably sound. A horse is of course useful even if unable to be ridden, something else I learned along the way).
Once I step into the murky, clinging darkness of guilt, it’s not hard to get sucked down into sorrow or even depression. But I know there is no benefit in dwelling on or even entertaining the feelings of guilt. Guilt serves no purpose. It is a byproduct of learning to do better. Holding onto the guilt keeps us trapped in the past. When we hang on to the guilt, we allow it to come up over-and-over, slapping us with feelings of inadequacy because we didn’t do right by the ones we love, even though I was doing the best I could.
The thing about guilt though is you don’t feel it unless you’ve learned a better way. Once I realized my old ways were not best for my horse, the guilt and the questions rained down on me. I held onto the guilt, regretting the mistakes I made, as if holding that would somehow change the past. I couldn’t undo my mistakes, but I could learn from them. It is one way the horses in my life have been my teachers.
Once you’ve learned the better way, let the guilt pass away right along with the old habits. Don’t linger in the past. There is nothing for you or your horse there.
Me in 1992 with Splatters, one of my first teachers.Drop your email below to subscribe and receive all things Peace Horse in your inbox!
