Clinging to Faith

To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see. – Hebrews 11:1 GNT

When the phone rings at four o’clock in the morning, it’s seldom good news. Some things change your life forever. 

Such was the case on December 3, 2022, when our daughter called to tell us her oldest son, our 21-year-old grandson, Alex, had taken his life the night before. 

Sometimes things happen that make you question your faith. 

One of my first thoughts was, I didn’t pray enough. Questions filled my heart and mind, the main one being, Why?

So the past year has been a faith-clinging time, a time to learn to live with questions that may never be answered this side of heaven. 

Early in this season of grief, I learned to use Scripture to replace the awful thoughts and images that would flood my mind at day’s end, when the lights were out and my head hit the pillow. 

Here are a few verses of Scripture that I let flow through my mind at the end of the day:

Romans 8:28 — And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

This one is a hard one. “How, Lord,” I prayed, “can good ever come from this?” That’s where faith comes in. The Bible is the Word of God, filled with His instructions and promises. I choose whether or not to believe it. I choose to believe. I release my doubts and wait to see how God will fulfill this promise. 

Isaiah 26:3 — You will keep in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. 

The key word for me here is “stayed.” The New Living Translation uses the word “fixed.” Keeping my mind —my thoughts—on God, on His goodness, on His sovereignty, on His love, truly does give me peace. Someone might ask, “How could God, in His goodness, if He truly is in control and loves each one of us, how could He allow this to happen?”

The only answer I have for that is that He has given us freedom of choice. I don’t understand why this happened when I pray for protection for all my grandchildren, but I choose to release the doubt and fix my mind on all the good He has worked in my life and in the lives of those I love and pray for. 

Philippians 4:6–7 —Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The key to peace, that for which we all long, is prayer, which includes giving thanks. I look for things in Alex’s life to be thankful for. I thank God for the good He is working out despite the circumstances. Once again, I choose to trust God. Peace will guard my heart and mind, keeping me from dwelling on the bad. Not that I ignore all the pain this has caused, but that I give that pain to God. I know that we hurt because we loved, and I’m thankful for the love, for the years we had with him.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. … And the God of peace will be with you.

Once again, I choose what to fill my mind with. Contemplating on all I can praise God for and be glad about will edge out the sadness. Yes, replace sadness with gladness. Once again, I’m not ignoring the grief with which I live, but I’ve learned that grief can exist with joy.

And finally, Psalm 23. I envision lying down in green pastures, beside calming waters, and allowing my Shepherd to refresh my soul. And when it’s time to move on, I know He will go with me. And that puts to rest any worry about what may lie ahead on this journey of life.

Thank You, Lord, for the Scripture that guides me and gives me peace when life is anything but peaceful . Amen.

Read and reflect on 2 Corinthians 4:7–5:5.

PS. Today, January 6, 2024, would have been Alex’s 23rd birthday.

© 2024 Michele Huey. All rights reserved.