Things you should never, ever ask an author.

The  stranger asks:

 
The author answers:You’re a novelist? Have you published anything?>You’re a surgeon? Have you ever operated on anyone?Have you written anything I might have read?>Do you read novels?Um….>Then, no.Any bestsellers?>

I read a couple every year.

Still haven’t figured out the formula.

Literature or fiction?>Yes.

Any of your novels

made into movies?

>Only in my nightmares.

Who do you get compared to,

as a writer?

>

My brother compares me to a

volcano of repressed anger.

My therapist doesn’t disagree.

So self publishing, how difficult is that?>

It’s a challenge, from what I can tell.

I am not self published.

You have a publisher? how did that happen?>I wrote a proposal and a first chapter. My agent tapped the right editor on the shoulder, the publisher bought it, and that started the ball rolling.You have an agent? how did that happen?>

I wrote a lot of letters and talked to a lot of people

and had a really good proposal and first chapter.

Could you introduce me to your editor, publisher, agent?>Wait, you write fiction?

I plan to give it six weeks.

That should do it.  

>

Now that’s a coincidence. I was planning on

learning how to take out an appendix this summer.

That’s a no to the agent, editor, publisher intro?>Technically it’s a no, no, no.So you’re writing a novel now?>Are you still practicing medicine?What are your novels about? Any good reviews?>Funny you should ask. I’m wondering what kind of surgery you do and how your patients evaluate you.You are tough.>Yes, I’m a published novelist.So when is your next novel coming out?>

 

About six to ten months after I finish it.

 

Really? So what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home working ? When will it ever be finished, the way you slack off?>Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate.