Let the cold do its job

I'm feeling stuck so I'm sharing pieces of my work-in-progress. Hoping it moves the needle in some way. If you're here, thanks for stopping by:).

You make these compromises with yourself. You think they’re helpful. If you fall in love, wall off a corner of your heart so you won’t get hurt. But then you never fully drop into another person because a piece of you is always reserved for the ‘not hurting.’ If you get in a fight, there are certain punches you won’t pull because you worry you won’t find your way back to neutral ground. All these little trade offs are made in the every day, seemingly out of protection. But the net result is your soul is never wholly shared, and thus never completely cleansed, like a sink accumulating mold and gunk, your throat clogs and you wonder why you have a hard time drinking a glass of water. The most honest thing you can do is stay as serrated as possible.

Let yourself be free to be as mean and ruthless and direct as you can. Even if it means your joy has teeth. Even if it means your love punctures.

And if that doesn’t work, just put yourself in the freezer every once in awhile.

Let the cold do its job.