My vision for the New Year
I love new years. I’m one of those poetic and hopeful souls who places a lot of meaning on the blank calendar and sees the end of a year as a closing of a chapter. I like to plan and think in terms of seasons, months and years. It’s neat and helps things feel simpler.
However, this year didn’t quite go to plan for me; yet, it was still a good year. One full of laughter and new opportunities and achievements. The thing that makes me sad is the amount I stressed and panicked this year. My mental health wasn’t what I hoped it would be. I put pressure on myself, using the mask and voice of others. But it was all me, in truth. Expectations, shoulds, some arbitrary image and set of rules that I don’t subscribe to: I let them rule over me anyway.
Not next year. I want next year to be a fun one. I want to manifest more laughter, more friendship, more community, more love, more peace, more creation, more wonderment and exploration. All for the pure joy of it.
I don’t want to be in competition with myself or others anymore.
I want to play. I want to “waste time”. I want to do things just for the sake of it. I want to dare to do. I want to think a LOT less. I want to be more like my husband. More like the New Zealand and American Samoa people of the lovely film “Next Goal Wins”. It was the perfect last film to watch this year because it encapsulates what I want the spirit of next year to be. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. Quite frankly, no one really cares about what I’m doing; they’re too busy with themselves. Instead, I want to set a small, fun goal like the football team in that film. I want to work with people who are having fun towards a goal, too. I want to play and create for the joy of the doing, not the product. And when too much stress and someone else’s rules comes into it, I will know that’s when I’m falling off track and have lost sight of my values.
Funnily enough, when you’re enjoying yourself, you show up more for your goals anyway!
There’s a place for everything, I know that. I love balance; it’s one of my core values. But I know I am not a balanced person. I too heavily lean towards seeking perfection and to prove something to others. I want to be the best. I want to be seen as worthy.
But I already am worthy!
I’ve got nothing left to prove. Do I want to be an author selling stories for a living? Yes. Do I want to get better at yoga and feel fitter? Yes. Do I want to see the great things in this world? Yes. Do I want more money for my freedom? Yes. Do I want to read and watch great things? Yes. But none of that should come at a cost to myself and my health. None of that should mean being someone else. None of that should mean throwing out my own values in place of someone else’s.
I know what I want. I am pretty sure I know who I am. Now’s the time to just relax into that. Let myself shine. To play, goddamn it. I’ve earned it.
So my guiding principle for next year is playfulness. To have that spirit at the heart of everything. Play + joy = calm. That is a strength. That means that when life isn’t going to plan, you can still find a way to laugh and make lemonade. That as long as I’m laughing or enjoying myself, I’m definitely doing the right thing.
I see play as an antidote for stress, anxiety and depression. Not a cure, and I’m not talking about long lasting life changing disorders here, but a way to cope with symptoms. I’ve been there. I’ve felt it heavily lately. But play pulls you out. Seeing through the lens of lightness, everything becomes less heavy and serious and scary.
Some cynical people may think that you can’t get through life on laughter and silliness. You need to be serious about your goals to achieve them. Well, I’ve tried that. All it does is stress me out and make the goal feel insurmountable. As I said, I know what I want; it’s not going anywhere. Now all I need to do is have fun on my way up that mountain.
Who said you can’t sing and dance and laugh and play on your way up? Trust me, the views will be better and the moments much brighter.
Sincerely,
S. xx
