Life of a Librarian: Ch 16
The old six-seater deposited us on the tarmac at the Roswell International Air Center at midnight. Having flown out from a private landing strip above the parking lot of the Guild only forty minutes earlier, I still had no idea what the world looked like after having spent a week underground. The chill darkness that met me on that tarmac brought tears to my eyes. The smell of sage and tumbleweed, the breath of wind that ruffled my hair smoothed across my skin and wrapped me in a feeling of home.
“I hate it down there,” I didn’t realize I had said it out loud.
“The halls are dark and deep, towering columns with a thrumbing heart buried at the center of the mountain. Would that a dragon burned away the lot and set about its lair within it would we be free of the confines,” Simil mused as he stared up at the blanket of stars above us.
“The dwarven kings died of greed and the villagers died of his stupidity.” I took his hand and tugged him to follow Roger.
“What are you two on about?” Roger grouched as we made for the terminal.
“The Hobbit,” we both stated at the same time.
“You two are creepy.” Roger took a side step away from us.
“Come and play with us, Roger,” we smiled.
“Oh Jesus, the fuck guys?” he squirmed.
“No Kubrick, Roger?” I giggled.
“Dude, Kubrick was one of the screwiest and most revolutionary Film Director Librarians we could have ever had. I’ve heard legends of the green bathroom. Let’s not.” He shivered.
I high-fived Simil as a TSA guard opened the door for us. Roger had put up with the two of us talking for the last forty minutes in a cramped cabin. Simil was beside himself to find someone willing to talk books with him on the same level. Every once in a while he would start out a conversation on a book I had not read yet. He was more than happy to send me an ebook copy to my newly issued phone every time I told him I didn’t know what he was quoting. I was beginning to worry about the amount of homework he was giving me.
“How did I manage having to deal with two…two…children!” Roger turned to us when he caught us skipping a couple steps.
“You do realize we’re messing with you, right Roger?” Simil smiled amiably.
Roger paled and drew in a frustrated breath. “Would you too quit it?” he seethed.
“Can we get separate rooms?” I put on my sweetest smile possible.
“Is this what this is all about? You’re being weird and creepy so you can charge more for two rooms rather than one?” Roger accused.
I shrugged my shoulders just a scant inch. “It’s either that, or you get to deal with listening to me jump his bones, ‘cause you cockblocked me earlier by showing up,” I clapped back crudely. Simil dragged in a sharp surprised breath at my candor.
Roger’s face colored up like roasted tomato. “I’ll arrange it at the desk when we get checked in. Can we just get the rental car?” He sagged, exhausted.
“Thank you!” I cheeped as we found the tiny desk for the car checkout. Roger checked us in and grabbed the keys and paperwork from the attendant. We made our way out and nabbed our rental car, a nondescript black sedan. Pulling out of the lot, we took Earl Cummings over to 194 out to Relief Road and up to 70 through the pecan orchards. Black sentinels rose up on either side of the road in organized rows. A light flashed by Simil’s side of the car. A bright orange and yellow striped tent glowed at the corner of 70 and 139. I shivered as a congregation watched us drive past them.
“Looks like they’re still there. Let’s head for the hotel,” Roger muttered as he merged onto 431 and took us back to 285. We pulled into a cheap motel featuring a green-painted wooden alien. I was completely turned around in the dark. I doubted I could find the pecan orchard in the morning.
Checked in, Roger nabbed a second room and handed us our key. “I’ll come get you in the morning. Dress for a church service.”
“I don’t do reverent.” I frowned at the large plastic toy apple on the key.
“Clearly.” Roger rubbed at his temple and left. Simil and I glanced at each other over the key and back to Roger who was already dropping into a semi asleep haze as he let himself into the first room outside the office. We walked past the rusted ice machine and let ourselves into our own frigid room.
Simil set the bags down inside the entrance and turned to me. “Now, Ally,” he smiled as he pressed me against the door. “Hatter?” my voice trembled. His fingers trailed down the column of my throat to wrap behind my head. Our lips touched and I was drifting. “About what you said earlier?” He nibbled along the edge of my lip. My mind was gone baby gone. “Said?” I barely grasped the word as his fingers played magic down my sides. I pressed closer.
“Probably a good time to ask you how far you want to go with this. You said jump my bones, but I might need some context here. Shangri la and hell are just a perspective shift away.”
His face was too close and I clammed up in embarrassment. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. With Sylwyn, I think he understood where I was, but we hadn’t talked yet either about intimacy. Would Hatter understand? He still had a hard time calling me Deus.
“I-um-” I tried to draw in a breath.
Hatter, getting the hint, slowly let go and gave me a bit of room. “Ally?” He let me have a moment to think.
“So, about that, Hatter. Do you understand me? You told Roger to call me Mr. Jaegar, so I think you do. And you saw me in that room from hell, so you also understand what I am, right?”
Hatter raised a confused eyebrow. “Well, yes. You are Thaddeus Jaegar and Alice. You are my Alice-Deus.”
“I haven’t-I haven’t done it with someone else since coming out or starting to transition. I’ll admit I’m horney as hell. T does not help with that, but I still get some real anxiety at the thought of being just another receptacle. So, I want to do it with you, I just…I don’t want to feel used.”
“How would I go about helping with this?” Hatter settled onto one of the queen beds.
I swallowed, the heat along my ear tips becoming painful. I rubbed at the cartilage in a bid for self-soothing. “I don’t, I mean. It. It’s hard to say.”
“Why?” Two-toned eyes regarded me with open innocence.
“Social conditioning. It’s awkward, or at least I’ve been trained to think this is embarrassing for so long that I’m just…I’m scared.” I fidgeted, uncomfortable at the thought of approaching, terrified at the thought of the million things Hatter could be thinking of me and this situation.
“Alright, then ignore social conditioning. It doesn’t apply to Simils anyway. You touch me when no one else will. So what do they have to do with any of this?”
I snorted at the logic. “I just want an orgasm too and straight penetration doesn’t really get me there. I don’t want to get to the end of us doing things and be left there with you snoring and me having to fix myself. Brings back some bad memories.”
Hatter cocked his head at that admittance and nodded. “Fair.”
Fair? Fair? What did that mean? What was going on in his mind? Deflated I glanced about the space, unsure of what to do with myself, or the man I’d locked in the room with me.
To my surprise, he leaned over and flipped the tab on the lamp, leaving us in darkness, save for the thin strip of sulfur light penetrating above the uneven curtain rod. “Hatter?” I asked nervously.
His heat seeped into me. Trapped beneath his arms, his breathing resonated through me. “My little rocking-horse-fly, let your imagination unfold. You have the magic to make your own reality. Join me.” He nibbled along my earlobe before taking my mouth, passion a flavour close to sunrise.
He let me up for air long enough for me to ask, “What do you mean imagination?”
“You’ve the talent to bring out rabbits and tea parties. To dress yourself in unreal clothing. Your power isn’t just for the optics of this world. You can make it more than skin deep.”
“Hatter, you can’t be saying I can just change my body. That would-” my voice constricted at that possibility. The type of impossible relief.
“Only when you let go of the image. Cinderella’s carriage was a pumpkin, and became a pumpkin. But for those couple hours, it was a real enough carriage to get her to her prince and home again. Try for me. See if you can channel that inner Cheshire I know you’re capable of.”
“Have you ever done this?” I was grasping at straws, his hands hot on my sides where they refused to shift.
“Once. And I don’t have your kind of power. It’s possible.”
I swallowed. I flicked the nails of my right hand, waiting for terrified jitters to find a home somewhere else. Imagination. This hadn’t occurred to me in the past couple of weeks learning to deal with this kind of power. “I can be anyone?”
“Anyone. But how about first trying to be you?” he offered.
That pulled me up short. Me? Not me. I didn’t want to be me. Not the skin me. Not the me everyone saw too quickly. Not the one that people called ma’am in the grocery store. The one that had too much sway in the hip and a binder barely hid anything up top.
I wanted to be taller. Broad shouldered. I wanted legs like iron. The ones that come from years in a gym and testosterone from an early age. I wanted a deeper voice. One that could sing between a tenor and a bass. To feel like I wasn’t forever living with a phantom member trapped in a chastity cage. I wanted to be buried in tight warmth. To hear my partner sigh in my ear. I wanted-
Fingers slid suggestively along the front of my jeans and my breath caught, fire igniting in my gut as the image didn’t break. Nerve endings I could die for. Tears warmed the edges of my eyelashes. The groan that escaped me couldn’t have been stopped if my life depended on it.
Lips found mine, this time lifting to meet me. I drifted to the feeling, crushing Hatter to me as I fell for his particular flavour of passion. I demanded. I pressed him until he tumbled, me pinning him to the bed. Thigh between his legs, I devoured him. I kept the image staunchly embedded in the forefront of my mind as he pulled off my shirt and binder to catch my breath as his hands travelled from my chest down. Finally. The sensation was right. It fit. It sparked the fire in my gut.
Somewhere in our shared fervent desire, I found myself between Hatter’s naked legs, pressed against his heat. I stalled, my mind coming down from its high momentarily, barely, to think of my partner in that moment. Dragging a harried breath, it was now or never. “If I summon lube, it’ll work right?” My voice. I could cry just from that pitch. It was perfect. It was everything I wanted.
Hatter pressed a cold metal bottle into my hand. “If summoned swords can inflict real wounds, then yes.”
“You good with where I’m at? What I’m wanting?” I peeled the seal off and tried not to fumble the bottle.
“Yes.” His answer was breathy, and in that moment, I wanted to see him, see the expression he wore. I wanted to see me, see the junction where I fit perfectly with him. But I took the sulfur light and the flash of high beams for scant glances at who we were together in that dark hotel room.
Touching myself, lube just about crumpled my will as I marvelled at the texture and need in my hand. Gods, I could finally die happy in that moment.
“Deus,” Hatter shifted, bringing back my focus.
I flipped the tab on the bottle and tossed it toward the nightstand on the other side of the bed. “This is all new to me, Hatter. I need for you to speak up if anything, I mean it, anything doesn’t feel right.”
“I won’t break, Deus,” he reassured as he brought his legs up to hug my hips. For once, my hips were narrower, narrow enough to feel right. Finding that space between us, I pressed into tight heat with incredible slowness, savouring the gasp at my throat, the grasp around my length that felt like paradise. I could live there, die there, become nothing more than a ghost of a sensation.
He shifted, encouraging movement. I carefully tested his reaction, and mine. I wanted that moment to last forever. Trapped in heat, his chest against mine, his soft moans for my ears alone. I fell into a rhythm built solely to elicit that sound. It tingled along my limbs and I found a joy in manipulating that pitch with each varied movement.
Touching him, closing around his length adjusted that note.
Close. A numb tightness threatened to end it all so fast, and yet I wanted to find out what it would be like, to finally feel whole in that carnal manner. Tight heat was just the tip of the iceberg as I found out.
Chapel Orahamm (C) 2022-2023. All Rights Reserved.
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