Feeling pensive
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It rained in Texas today! Not thedownpours that residents feel in the Northwest or the storms that sometimes delugethe eastern coast, but it was wet, and in Texas we are grateful. But it wasalso dark and dreary, the kind of day that can encourage deep thoughts.
My church recently was rockedby the tragic deaths of a prominent member, active in church affairs and thecity of Fort Worth, known and admired by many, and his two children. They werekilled in a horrendous accident on Thanksgiving Eve. The mother, badly injured,survived. The funeral was today, and the church expected an overflow crowd. Izoomed from home. I did not know this family—I know the older generation by sightand reputation, had never heard of the branch of the family involved in theaccident. But I went because I know they are good people—it makes you think ofthe now-old book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold Kushner.I went because even without knowing them I felt surrounded by grief, by theimpact of this tragedy on our community. As a now-retired minister once said tome when I asked about a tsunami, “Shit happens.” Faith helps us sort out thatshit, and that’s part of why I went today—call it curiosity. And finally, I wentbecause at my age I need reassurance about life and death. Like many people, Iam still trying to sort out my belief, even as I feel the time for doing thatis shortening. Was it John Donne who wrote, “But at my back I always hear/Time’swinged chariot hurrying near”? At the polar opposite of that thought is thefact that two children died in this accident, and our minister acknowledgedthat there is something particularly heartbreaking when we lose children withso much of their life ahead of them.
The service brought tears, nodoubt about it. I grieved for the brother who gave the eulogy and had an obviouslydifficult time getting through it, though he managed occasional bits of humor.And I grieved for the visiting minister, the father’s college roommate, whocontinually wiped his eyes as our minister spoke words of comfort. I grievedfor our minister, who had been close friends with this family and had lovingstories to tell about all three. I grieved for the surviving widow/mother, whosat in the front row, flanked by the two grandmothers and holding hands withthem.
The message of hope that ourminister delivered was that God is always with us, in good times and in tragedy—perhapsyou must be of my Protestant faith to accept that. But what I came away withtoday is that we must live with vitality, with a positive attitude. Grief doesn’tgo away. It is always there, waiting to overwhelm, to trip us up. I think thesame is true of doubt. But it is up to us to live past it and through it. Boththe brother who gave the eulogy and the minister talked about grief being with usevery day, if we let it in. It’s up to us to shut that gate.
What I’m trying to talk aboutin these meandering thoughts is the importance of a positive attitude. And that’swhat was reinforced for me today in the memorial service. I know it will be along time before that extended family can move through and beyond grief, but itis up to us to surround them with love and encourage them as they move forward.And it is up to us to live beyond and through our doubts and temporaryproblems. I am a big believer in the power of positive thinking. Who wrote thatbook? Norman Vincent Peale, of course.
I had other deep thoughtstoday, probably about rain or maybe about list-making, but somehow now, after aglass of wine and an offbeat but good dinner—smoked salmon, cream cheese, andsome frozen spanakopita—they don’t seem so dark to me. I have been making listsfor a couple of weeks—I am not one to let Christmas sneak up on me, and thisyear I will have my whole family around me. So you can tell lists are needed—food,gifts, things to do. Perhaps attending today’s service, which had sort ofloomed over me much of the week, reaffirmed my faith and freed me to move on toholiday planning. I hope it will help me too to remember the true nature of theholiday I celebrate as a Christian and not get lost in the lists and the giftsand the food.
How does the holiday seasonaffect you? Have you made lists? Have you looked at your darkest thoughts? It’sa tough time of the year, despite it being the season of hope and joy.
