Depression as a Personal Defining Moment
Christmas 2005 after finishing my last chemo treatmen
May is Mental Health Month, bringing awareness to an array of issues that affect our overall wellness. Depression ranks as one of those mental health conditions that many of us do not like to discuss. I write about this topic in my book, Navigating Life’s Roadways, and some readers have appreciated how my words gave them permission to acknowledge their own reality of life stuff that can sink us into what seems to be a pit. So this is a very personal issue for me as I have suffered from those “low and blue moments” at various levels. One in particular I refer to as my valley experience. I compared my journey to that place from doing the popular Caribbean island dance, the limbo rock, and the question of “how low can you go.”
So what led me to that surreal sentence of doom?
Why was I caught in a fog of my own internal war – my vision now clouded?
Many cries, self-defeating thoughts and unchecked assumptions were contributors to my descent into this emotional dungeon. Preoccupation with materialism, failed romantic relationships, unfocused career goals and drifting from day to day were the predominant conditions of my life during that period of time. I also didn’t make much time for God; not attending church or nurturing my prayer life. Initially I was unaware of my lost condition. I kept taking what I thought were measureable success steps—new jobs and new cars—until these things weren’t available either. At the time I was unemployed and unable to pay my monthly bills. Had I squandered my education? I wondered. Why isn’t my IPS (Internal Positioning System) functioning? The buildup of all of the garbage from these events and emotions burned my spirit and I ‘melted down.’ Reason and logic had left my building and I knew I really needed help. Heeding my own ‘mayday’ message, the desire for escape and relief from this watershed of pain drove me down and out.
Little did I know then that this somber experience would prove to be a ‘wake-up call’, setting me on a path to discover new reasons for my existence on the planet, while showing me ways to use the gifts God had given me. It made me realize I’d been on a wayward walk too long. It was time to move on and up by recalculating my route. Searching for another beginning, one aspect of my life concluded and signals pointed to a new phase with a different format.
This episode miraculously proved to be my fresh start in a major course correction. God recalibrated my IPS (Internal Positioning System). My misery had put me on the journey to utilizing the stack of my varied life experiences to minister me toward a new career.
Within the next five years after this defining moment, I had done the research, legwork and started my training and consulting business!
Though my hope is that the worst part of my life is behind me, I know I only have control over part of my future. I’ve been on the borders of the low places several times since then. A cancer battle in 2005 sent me spiraling low again. My mother’s death in 2010 yielded a horrid grieving experience that eventually gave birth to my publishing my first book. Yet I keep getting back up—maybe a little slower—but I keep getting up. I keep my eye on the horizon, looking for a better view. And more inspiration for my journey.
That shows up in marvelous ways, because as the words of a popular poem state, “It’s In The Valleys I Grow.”
