The Writer Needs a Break

As we gear up for the last few weeks of this year, its always interesting to take a moment and think about what we’ve learned, if anything at all, from our trip around the sun. What have I learned? Well, I’m still trying to figure that out. It’s all a hazy, Monet painting, that I’m still too close to. There’s no grand picture, for all the individual points of light and dark. And its practically impossible to be introspective and retrospective when so much noise and obligation is still harping on me.

Like anyone who recognizes the signs of burnout and dangerous feeding tubes straight to their depressive tendencies, I’ll be stepping back for that purpose.

This year, more than any before, has been the perfect example of towering highs and dark-depth lows. I’ve been busy trying to find a path, putting my efforts into editing and publishing, marketing and selling…after losing my north star last January. That’s the order it happened. I did not leave instructing to write. I had to leave an abusive situation and it tore out a gaping heart-shaped hole. I had to fill it with something or risk…not being part of this grand farce of life anymore.

But, as tomorrow will be my last book signing/book launch of the year, I’ll be taking a break from social media, self promoting, and marketing for at least a couple of weeks (ideally for the rest of this year). I’ll still have blogs (my favorite holiday one is coming up next week) but you won’t see me town-crier-ing about how much I’d love it if you bought my work and left a review. I need a break from that. Because although it is a necessary part of this game, its not why I write and its killing my soul.

Plus…I’m out of books in the pipeline. I’m out of distractions from my pain and depression. I’m out of excuses and must stumble in the dark for awhile in order to find my purpose going forward. I honestly don’t know if I’ll publish again. I honestly don’t know if I have anything left to write that I believe in. I’m like the year itself; in my dark season, and I think I need to rest in this space.

Please, do not think that I am ungrateful, for the opportunities and the advancement in my writing that happened. I’m still over the moon and ever-grateful to see my name in a publishing house’s ranks. To have books on my shelf, with my words, and stories tucked into beautiful covers, is a dream come true and I suppose one I might not have found, if I hadn’t had space in my life to fill.

So maybe, in my darkness, in my social hibernation and retrospective quiet, the conclusion will balance out in favor of the light and reveal that the pain that hobbled me, turned me in a direction so much more deserving of my time. Maybe it will just give me time to stretch past the old scar tissue and discover my next adventure. Who knows. I only hope the rest will bring me back around to finding a reason to keep participating in the grand farce.

If you follow my blog, I’ll still be posting (scheduled). If you follow me, don’t think I blocked you if I’m gone for a few weeks. I wish you and yours a happy holiday season. We’ll come back around next year.

I wish you health. I wish you contentment and gratitude. I wish you warm coffee and good friends. I wish you hope. I wish you rest.