Spanning the Distance at Christmas

One afternoon in December, years ago, my sister JoAnn and I were bemoaning the fact that our family and friends were scattered across the country.

“I wish we could all get together at Christmas,” I said, “or at least, connect at the same time on Christmas Eve.”

Now remember, in those days, there was no email or video chats. No internet. No instant communication other than telephone, one on one. I shared with her a trick my friend Linnea found. Called “remoting,” the theory was that if you both focused on your surroundings at the same time, you might connect. We laughed, but tried it at sunrise one summer morning.

Coffee outside with the pre-dawn bird chorus, fresh air, and a pen and paper to capture the moment. Since we were an hour apart—she lives in the Central time zone—we chose the moment the sun peeked over the horizon. If we didn’t share the same visions, we did hear cardinals singing at the same time.

“Let’s try it,” JoAnn said, “only we’ll use candles and favorite Christmas memories.”

And so, our Candle Ceremony was born.

We spent time debating what questions to ask, and decided to mail instructions with twelve questions, a package of cocoa, and a candle. We gave a deadline for the return of their answers, and promised to compile them and send everyone a copy.

Twenty-six friends and family responded. JoAnn and I typed the answers under each question and mailed back folders with the names on a list at the back.

And so I learned that my brother Dave’s favorite gift of all time was his Kenner Girder & Panel building set. That my father’s was a fire engine that pumped water, while Mom’s was her Betsy-Wetsy doll (which she passed on to me).

My son David’s best traditions were shopping with me and Christmas Day at Brother Dave’s, and my daughter Anne’s was stirring wishes into plum pudding the First Sunday of Advent.

Earliest Christmas memories for Dad and Anne were looking out windows at snow falling at night (Pontiac and the Heights). David’s favorite gift was his first Nintendo. My sisters cherished Madame Alexander dolls (named Lydia and Michael) with clothes homemade by Mom.

Every first Christmas Eve memory included snow.

Christmas Day? Opening gifts in the morning and family dinner. I wrote long, detailed letters to our family in Florida year after year about Brother Dave’s Dickens’ Christmas Day dinner, and one year, the entire family rode the train to Pontiac for our biggest family holiday ever.

Sharing favorite memories and carols, surprising each other with our answers did bring us closer together that Christmas. Thank you, JoAnn.

I’d like to share our questions with you to do the same. Of course, you’re free to make up your own. The most important part is the chance to learn more about those closest to you, even from a distance.

Have fun! We did.

1. What is your favorite Christmas carol?

2. What was your favorite childhood Christmas present?

3. What would you ask Santa for today?

4. Did you ever hear bells on Christmas Eve?

5. When was your last icy patch?

6. Of all the Christmas trees you’ve known, which ornament comes to mind first?

7. When in the season do you get your first feeling of Christmas?

8. What color and style Christmas wrapping do you choose for your gifts, and what kind of setting do you prefer when you wrap?

9. It’s snowing outside your window Christmas Eve. How old are you, and what do you see?

10. Who or what would you add to the Nativity scene?

11. Of all the gifts you’ve been given, name one whose memory gives you pleasure now?

12. Describe two of your favorite Christmas traditions.