Alone, but Not Lonely

As the year draws to a close, it’s difficult not to reflect on what’s transpired … and what might lie ahead.

My mother passed in March. After years of taking care of her, and forfeiting many things, including friends, this holiday season will be spent alone.

Aloneness: being apart from others; only; solitary.

Loneliness: not with others of the same kind; a feeling of dejection at being aware of being alone.

I embrace the aloneness. I like my company. It has its moments—it can be impatient (ask any technical devices), annoyed (ask any technical devices), and cranky (ask the melatonin that didn’t kick in the night before). I love that I can now write whenever I choose (day job aside), that I get more than three hours sleep a night (because one caregiving ear always had to be open, listening for falls or issues).

I’m grateful for the solitude. It’s allowed me to put things in perspective, to plan for the subsequent year. There’ll be a couple of risks, but it’s time to take them, regardless of the outcome. You don’t succeed if you don’t try. And if you fail, lesson(s) learned.

Too many years have been dedicated to making others happy. Now, it’s my time. And if that’s selfish, so be it.

Yes, I’m alone … and so very thankful.