Manners

I am a snob. Proudly so, I might add. I don’t often display my elitism unless I truly feel it is justified, and it rarely is. No. That’s a lie. It is often justified, but rarely displayed. I am one of those quiet European snobs, the antithesis, I should hope, of the well-known Eurotrash. I am an Old-World snob, a vanishing breed that no longer feels the need to display its plumage.
I respect courtesy and manners even as some of the habits I was raised to practice have fallen into disfavor. I open doors for women, being fully aware that said women are perfectly capable of doing so themselves. When introduced to a married woman, I was taught to raise their left hand to my lips and pretend to kiss said appendage. I stopped doing this with Americans years ago when a lady from Texas, I think, thought I was going to bite her. Evading my advance, she punched me in the nose with enough force to incur bloodshed.
When walking with a woman, I always stay on the outside. My father, a gentleman, told me this had two purposes. The first was to protect my lady companion from runaway carriages; the second was to shield her from the contents of chamber pots emptied from windows overhead. Admittedly, both events are unlikely to occur in modern times, but old habits die hard. When dining, I also pull a lady’s chair some distance from the table at restaurants to make sitting in a crinoline skirt easier.
And speaking of restaurants… I’ve never understood why people—both genders, by the way—wear baseball caps while eating. Are they afraid the ceiling might cave in? Are they covering bald spots? Are they displaying their loyalty to a team or a product? Personally, I’ve never encountered anyone whose appearance was improved by a baseball cap. I will not expound on caps worn backwards, or worse, sideways. A sideways cap immediately lowers the wearer’s IQ by 15 to 20 points. Ask anyone. (An aside: My favorite sartorial excess is wearing a baseball cap backwards and an uoside-down tennis visor to shield your eyes at the same time. I sort of equate that to wearing suspenders and a belt.)
If you’re at a restaurant, close your mouth when you chew. No one is really interested in what’s in your mouth. Never snap your fingers at a waitperson. Don’t start eating before everyone at your table is served. Moderate the volume of your voice. Don’t ask for too many substitutions. If you’re an adult, you probably don’t need a bib. Keep your napkin on your lap. Don’t pick your teeth at the table or blow your nose in the linen napkin.
This is my favorite: Do not put the baby on the table to change its diaper. I saw this done! Really! I did!