Polyamory

I dove head first into all things poly years ago to do research for a book. I didn’t want to write about something I didn’t know anything about. Also, I knew a lot of people who are poly. I didn’t want to use them, if that makes sense. I wouldn’t want someone examining my life to figure out how to write about it… Well, that’s not true. I wouldn’t care. I feel like if you can’t ask questions you can’t learn… I ask my white friends all kinds of shit and leave the door open for them to do the same. We’ve had several conversations about my hair and personal hygiene based on their assumptions. I’ve had a lot of hygiene questions for them too. I mean, we’re people we think shit.

Anyway, I planned to write a poly novel. So I joined a few groups. I even dated poly not intentionally. It happened organically, outside of any research motivation… In fact I didn’t realize I was poly until a friend years later pointed out that I’d had two partners for three years. Ethical non- monogamy just means being honest about all your intimate relationships.

As a result, I’ve kind of become a poly advocate. I hate when folks say it’s about cheating with permission. Or claim jealousy and the idea of sharing one person is why they are against polyamory. News flash, poly folk are humans who were raised in a culture where toxic monogamy is the expected and imposed norm. They deal with all the feels everyone else does. Loving more than one person, being loved by more than one person doesn’t save them from feeling. What they do with those feelings is different, but that’s a different discussion.

A post came up in my feed, from a group on Facebook where someone posted condemning polyamory. The group is mono centered like almost every single thing that exists in American culture. So I felt obligated to give some insight.

Days later, I’m thinking, I gave a lot of energy to that post… Which helped, but it shouldn’t be lost. So I’m sharing it here.

Also, some people are wired to love more than one person, and some are not. I’m innately monogamous. So if I were ever poly, I’d have to be in a hierarchical relationship, because I can’t intimately love multiple people at the same level. I don’t have the energy for it. I currently identify as ambimorous.