New House Rules Representatives Must Be Smarter Than Their Constituencies

Washington, D.C., November 27, 2023, Star-Gazer News Service–On a vote of 1-0 here today, the House of Representatives has mandated that no state may send any man, woman, or pet as its representative to Congress who has a lower IQ than the average IQ of the state’s population.

Immediately after the new rule was passed, half of  California’s fifty-two house members were called home where they were urged to go to night school or barber college.

According to the assistant interim chairman of the House Rules Committee, Homer Simpson, “Democracy is not served by seating members who are dumb as a post based on the results of a  Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale (WAIS) test.”

According to the Department of Intelligence,  most California Congressmen and Women scored between 70 and 84 on the standard test while most posts scored 85.

The American Civil Liberties Union immediately filed suit, claiming that “stupid people have rights even though nobody’s sure what they are.”

According to Simpson, California is known for passing the strangest state laws in the country, but from now on out, it will be required to keep the nonsense at home.”

Several states have already inquired about sending fence posts as representatives since posts will almost always be smarter than the general population except in Nevada. The request is under review by the few remaining Congressmen and Women after “the big purge.”

A White House spokesperson said that the new rules would, unfortunately, impact blue states more than red states since blue states are usually “off the deep end” when crafting meaningful legislation. 

“We deserve smart people leading us even if we have to brainwash them,” Simpson said.

–Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter