HELL LIVES INSIDE 3 a.m.

I think God takes naps at 3 in the morning. It’s when I feel the most alone. The most broken. The most… scared.

I remember the morning I had decided I should die. That moment is a part of who I am today. I think Death stalks me now. It won’t let me forget. Every now and then it whispers, “How dare you beg for me when so many others beg for me to wait…”

I was careless.

The moon floats like a feather in the sky until 3 am and then it sits its weight on me and shines its bright light in my eyes. It interrogates me and expects me to speak for myself after stealing all my air.

I know what it’s like to have to answer for all my sins. I’ve had so much practice apologizing to God while he’s asleep. Maybe when death finally catches me I’ll know exactly which words to use.

I hope I make it through the pearly gates. Because I think maybe 3 am is what Hell is like.