Stop Breaking Promises You’ve Made to Yourself

A youtuber I watch called Muchelle B mentioned in a video that a large part of low self-esteem and failed goals is about constantly breaking promises we make to ourselves. And since I watched that video, I’ve seen how true this is.

In the half term break from work, I said I wanted to try running a short distance everyday for my mental health (added bonus that it’s good for my physical health, too). But lo and behold, I broke that promise to myself very quickly. I edited it, by saying I’ll do Nike workouts instead, which I have done, but that’s not the point.

We can sometimes be too reckless with the things we say we’re going to do. The goals we set. The promises we make to ourselves. We may think that it’s not a big deal because we’re just saying them in our heads or our notebooks/journals but it’s a huge deal.

The promises we make to ourselves should be treated even more seriously than the promises we make to others.

We are the only people we will always be with. Our relationship with ourselves is crucial for a successful life. How can we hope to be motivated and disciplined or happy and fulfilled if we’re constantly rejecting our own wants and needs? If we’re constantly treating ourselves like we don’t matter?

My advice to you and to myself, too, is to be extra careful about what you say you’re going to do.

Solutions and reframing

What do we do instead? Here are my ideas about how to stop breaking the promises we make to ourselves.

Less goals

Don’t set a goal unless you’re absolutely sure about it. Don’t say, like I have, that you are going to eat vegetarian 4 days a week unless you’re serious and have an action plan. Don’t say you’re going to run everyday unless that’s feasible. Don’t be silly and set a running goal in winter when you know the cold and dark will be a deterrent!

It’s okay to have less goals. Small goals.

Plan it out

When you do set a goal/promise, plan it out. Don’t just say you’re doing it with no realistic plan for how. When will you do it? How? Why? What steps will you need to take? Break it down and make it simple. Don’t focus on the big goal and scare yourself. Make it so small that you can easily keep your promise in baby steps.

A large part of succeeding in our goals is in our routines. What are your habits? How can you shift your time? Where do you feel the most tired? What are you wasting time on?

Be logical. Be fair. Be kind. When we feel motivated and excited it’s easy to do things, but what’s your plan for when you’re tired after work or stressed? When you haven’t slept properly for weeks? When your mother needs something and your sister and your spouse?

Take goals seriously

We have all probably had those moments of wanting or needing to change our lives. But it happens in steps, not overnight. We need to take our goals seriously and not set them recklessly. When you set a goal, make it actionable, logical, fair, and realistic. Say, “this is important to me. This is proving that I can do what I say I can do.” Because it is. You are promising yourself something. You are saying this is part of who I am. Do you want to be known (even if only to yourself) as a letdown? As someone who doesn’t follow through? As irresponsible, reckless, flaky? Because breaking promises to others all the time would make you all those things, so the same extends to the promises we make to ourselves.

We are constantly sending signals to our brains that it’s okay not to do the things we say we’re going to do

You don’t want that.

So when you think about how you want to end 2023 or what you want to accomplish and do in 2024, don’t be reckless. Don’t keep the habit of breaking even small promises to yourself. You are always listening and learning what’s important to yourself. So make sure what you say counts.

Sincerely,

S. xx