After Once Upon An Unrequited Love’s Release

I’ve been an independent author for twelve years since this July, and I’ve done a lot of changing since then.  Recently something happened in my family; without going into detail, the encounter was emotionally violent – the same kind of emotional violence I’ve always experienced in the orbit of my family. It’s a long story of patterns, pathologies, and incidents that I have tolerated and accommodated because they have been normalized.  When I was eighteen, I went to the Army. There, I met so many people, from all walks of life, who told me who I was, and none of them validated who my family tried to convince me I was. I say tried because I resisted their narrative. They used religion abusively and to their advantage. If I opposed them, I was the devil.  I’ve been undergoing changes my entire life. At some point, I became open to critically challenging my belief systems. Actually, it was a guy I worked with who got through to me. He asked me the right question. When I sought the answer, my whole life began to change. And then later in life, I met my ex-boyfriend, who’s my good friend until today. You see, I’ve been in relationships with plenty of men, which is why I know what I’m writing when I craft sex graphically (FYI, I’ve never written anything I haven’t experienced – except in the Parched series. That was over the top! LOL). But, I’ve only had a handful of people I considered a partner. My ex and I  met in 2015. My pathologies picked him, and his chose me. What do I mean by that? He had to feel like the kind of love I was used to receiving.  Every man I’ve ever been with had to feel that way. In a way, my ex felt that way, but in another way, his issues were so unique and exactly what I needed to open new neural pathways in my brain.  That’s why I want to write about soulmates because I think the concept has been explored too superficially.  When I think about him, tears rush to my eyes because I’m very grateful to him. I tell him all the time. He was the one who insisted I seek therapy. Of course, my first reaction was, “I’m fine. You’re the broken one.” Then, one night, he invited me to a seminar on codependency, and I went because I was curious why he kept claiming I was codependent. Not even fifteen minutes into the workshop, I thought, “Oh no, I am codependent.!” LOL. Then, his therapist connected me to my therapist, who would go on to become my healer. I’m saying this because my understanding of what true unconditional love should be and feel like only came recently – and remember, I said that I’d been an independent author for twelve years – and writing romance too! Yikes! Let me add this… I’ve always been aware of this deficit within me, which is why I took to writing in series. That allowed me to explore intimacy between characters over time – as they went through life’s ups and downs and stuck it out together.  I like the one-and-done of a standalone, but I very much miss the profound world, character, and relationship building that occurs when writing a series. Anyway, I’ve been going through this profound transformation since “Tempting Fate,” which was first titled “Serendipity.” It’s been challenging to write romance post-therapy.  But love stories, they’re not difficult to write at all, and I want to continue. I never meant to become a romance writer. I’ll admit that I chased the numbers.  You know what the numbers are, right? The money! LOL! But I don’t regret it because I learned so much in the process, making me a better storyteller.  I’m not sure if I have a favorite genre. My favorite book is anything that makes me feel the text deep in my bones. I love to feel when I’m reading a story. And I love to feel when I’m writing a novel too. I had this sci-fi story idea about fog. But I recently realized that it came from my broken place. Did you know I was this close to studying to become a licensed therapist?  I was in consultation with the university admissions counselor. Just before I went all in, I admitted to myself that I love my job as an author. I think that’s why the counselor gave me time to think about it; he must’ve sussed it out.  I wanted to be a therapist because I was projecting. If I could fix others, then I could experience the sensation of improving my own situation. You know, those original wounds that are difficult to identify and subsequently heal. And so, I ended the admission process because I already have a career I love. I’m a writer! And also, I use my box full of healthy tools to continue my healing process. However, after Once Upon An Unrequited Love, I planned to write a sci-fi novel that just reeked of my issues! Lol. I’m too embarrassed to tell you what it was about!  I started the outline and arrived at a certain point and thought – this is not healthy, Z. Therefore, I’m in the process of figuring out what comes next. So, please enjoy my backlist until I know! It’s 4:33 a.m. on this side of where I am, so I’m going to bed.  I wish you the best in life and love, and I wish you a sincere HEA. I’ve appreciated you – those few who take the time to read these long posts of mine. LOL! I know you’re my faithful fans, who have stuck with me through all the thins and a few thicks! LOL.  No matter what I do next, I will forever appreciate you and let you know where you can always find me.  Much Love from the bottom of my heart,Z 😘

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