Bringing your whole self

What do I mean by “bringing the whole self?”

Consolidation and rationalization. Two large multisyllabic words to represent the stage of life I am in. But I am also in a period of exploration and discovery. So it’s apt to think that as some things head towards eventual resolution and closure, new opportunities and experiences take their place.

But what does any of this mean?

Let’s start with the title, “Bringing your whole self.” For decades I have lived a segmented, compartmentalized life. I have separated out the things that comprise “me” from one another, building walls between them, and in the process fracturing my identity as a human being.

If it sounds familiar it’s because we all do it to an extent.

What kinds of things am I talking about here? Well, for one thing, I’ve been many people over the years… these “selfs” include:

Engineer

Technical writer

Entrepreneur / founder

Project Manager

Business Architect

Designer

Author / writer

Gardener

Introvert

Consultant

Teacher

Gay man

Activist

Son / brother / uncle

Partner

Friend

Meditator

Fireman

Farmer

Leader

Naturally, I am no longer all of these things—what a life that would be. Some have fallen by the wayside organically, others I’ve moved away from, leaving a bunch of them floating in the pool of identity that defines me.

In fact, fragments of these things come together to make me who I am today. But fragmentation, without reintegration can lead to chaos and an inability to know which self—or indeed which bits of your self—you are bringing to the things you do.

Why is this important?

Conversations that began last year and have carried into this year about what it means to bring your whole self to what you do have continued to reverberate in my head. At first I felt challenged, believing that I was already bringing all of me to everything that I do. But you only need to look across my diverse digital estate to see this isn’t exactly the truth.

I have different emails for all of the things I do. Different websites. Different blogging sites. Multiple Twitter accounts, etc. In fact, writing here on Substack brings yet another digital identity to the previously cluttered field. If I was bringing my whole self to all of the things that I do, why do I present myself as so many different versions of the same person? And conversely, why don’t I bring more of myself to each of the things that I do?

While this fragmentation of self into many may bring confusion to the people I engage with who encounter my different selves or personas, it’s not them who I’m primarily concerned with. It’s me.

So what’s the problem here?

One human split between many things creates a kind of fragmentation between all of the individual pieces. It leads to cognitive dissonance as you (and you, and you) step into and out of different roles and personas that you play; it’s like changing clothes to present multiple selves multiple times a day.

And frankly, it’s just plain exhausting.

The lack of seamless transition between “selves” fractures and fragments your psyche allowing the introduction of negativity, doubt, feelings of imposter syndrome creep in and poison your self identity. And it’s not just about how you feel or see yourself.

Context switching is a productivity killer. It is inefficient. It leads to a reduction in focus, time spent winding down/getting up to speed, changing mindsets, sometimes even changing tone of voice and approach. Who I see myself as when I am writing fiction is not the same as who I see myself as when I am leading design change.

Bringing your whole self is a journey—not a destination

You don’t just wake up integrated, refreshed and whole one morning. Bringing your whole self is a journey—one that I suspect once on it, never reaches a destination. We are always experiencing new things, winding down old things. Therefore we are talking about the equivalent of an engine of reintegration, where you are constantly assessing, evaluating, modifying, adapting, changing, and looking for ways to bring those fragments of self together in new, and different, and exciting ways.

I can’t profess to be expert on this. I’m just hopping on the journey myself. But over the coming months, I intend to find new and interesting ways to assess which pieces of self are on the journey with me, continually assess the ways in which I express myself, and look for new and interesting ways to bring more of my whole self to all the things that I am doing.

This space will become the vehicle for that. And I will look to consolidate all of my thinking around things like design, and fiction writing, gardening, consulting, fitness, business, entrepreneurship, teaching, and life together here, in one place.

I’m looking forward to the journey.

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