Trapped in Online Purgatory
Hmmm, when I blow my cork, will you be acharacter witness for me?
If you hear a news report along thelines of the one below, it will probably be about me. I may need characterwitnesses to dig myself out of trouble.
Police were called to a Hamilton neighborhoodtoday after multiple reports of a man roaming the street, wearing only houseslippers and a track suit, gesturing wildly and ranting incoherently. Whenasked what the problem was, the man replied:
“What’s the matter? I’m in onlinepurgatory! They sent me a new credit card which had to be activated. Shouldhave been dead simple! But oh no, not a chance. When I went online to do theactivation, it said I had to change my User Name first. Really? That’s ahassle. It was a perfectly good User Name.
“So I created a new User Name. But thenit said it had to send me a security code. Really? Just to change the User Name?All this damn security business. That should be their responsibility, not mine.I should get to charge them a fee for inconveniencing me!
“Anyway, I had to enter my old User Nameand my birthdate to get the damn code. It e-mailed me the code. But I went backto enter the code, that screen had closed on its own. Three times thathappened! Three bloody times!
“So I switched to having the code sent bytelephone. Got the damn automated message with the code and entered it. Smoothsailing from there, right? Hell, no!! When I went to log in with the new UserName, it said the password was wrong! I’ve had that password for years and suddenlyit doesn’t work? What the hell?!
“So I tried to reset the password. Samedamn rigamarole! Enter the User Name and my birth date to get a security code.Another friggin’ security code! How secure are they if they give them out likeHallowe’en candy?
“So anyway, I do it. Now it says my UserName is incorrect! How could it be incorrect? I just created the damn thingfive minutes ago! Now I’m totally screwed! User Name won’t work. Password won’twork. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
“Call tech support? Oh sure, spend tenminutes wrestling with the answering system to find the right option. Then waita half hour for somebody to be available. When I finally get sometwenty-something techie from offshore on the line, he’ll tell me I could haveused the Chat Support. I don’t want to talk to a damn robot!!!”
Police reported that the man wasbabbling incoherently at this point and seemed to be losing his grip on hissanity. They had no choice but to take him into custody. When attempting to doso, the man blew his cork, took off his slippers and began beating the policeofficer over the head with them. Charges are pending.
Long story short, the cheese is slidingoff my cracker. I may need character witnesses for the competency hearing.
~ Now Available Online from Amazon,Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting Muskie, Rites of Passage –Stories by Michael Robert Diet
~ Michael Robert Dyet is also the author of Untilthe Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which was a double winner inthe Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com .
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