Arguing with myself

 

University Christian Church
Fort Worth
Today, my church, UniversityChristian, celebrated its 150th anniversary with one huge service instead ofthe four separate services of a usual Sunday. The music was spectacular. Hymns andanthems from our traditional services blended with guitar accompaniment to “HowFirm a Foundation: and “His Eye is on the Sparrow”; a powerful group of windinstruments contrasted with the folk-music feel of guitar; and a full choirsoared to the high notes. Every minister on staff was involved in the servicein some way, but the highlight was a dialogue between senior minister RussPeterman and former senior minister Scott Colglazier on the future of the church,what the church of the next 150 years needs to be about. Visiting dignitariesmade brief appearances—the mayor of Fort Worth, the president of TCU, theregional Disciples minister, and a representative of the national headquartersof the church. The congregational turnout was huge and enthusiastic. Even inthese glum days, an air of optimism and gratitude and grace elevated theservice. Afterward there was a celebratory reception with food and fellowship,and a lot of people I would have liked to see.

I wasn’t there. I watched thealmost two-hour service online, which has some advantages: I could hear everythingbetter than I often did in the sanctuary, and when the ministers were talking,it was as though they were sitting across my desk talking directly to me. I almosthad an urge to reach out to Scott and say, “Hi, nice to see you again.” During hispastorate, I was most active in the church. My good friend and the director ofmusic, Betty Boles, could always find things she thought I ought to do. And Idid them willingly and happily. It’s a part of my life I miss now.

I argued with myself all weekabout going to this service. When I first heard about the plans I was excited, readyto be in the congregation. Since I don’t leave the cottage often, I think I shouldnever miss an opportunity. But the more I thought about it, the more Iquestioned the wisdom of going. Christian would push me in the transport chair,but if it was as crowded as I expected it would be awkward and difficult. Ididn’t want to go the reception because when you’re in a wheelchair at areception where people, all standing, are milling around, you somehow seem toshrink. Been there, done that, felt like a child among giants.

So I attended virtually, and itturned out to be the right decision. When I heard one minister mention parking difficultiesand the senior minister urge the congregation to used the exterior sidewalks toget to the reception and avoid traffic jams, I knew I’d made the rightdecision. Not only did I avoid what might have ranged from awkward todifficult, but I got full benefit out of the service—and yes, some inspiration.Jordan tells me she and Jean and Jeannie talked about how good it was that Iwasn’t there. Sounds funny, but it was true.

And I was still in my pajamasthe entire time.

There’s something about intuition,about listening to your gut. I find that more often than not my instincts areright, if I just have the courage to follow them. This was one of those days.To quote one of the ministers out of context, “Thanks be to God.”

And so we begin another week. Prayfor peace.