Chapter 19 from the new book “Parenting from Out of Bounds” by Chad Peters
Submit to Nonsense
“You must respect my Authoriti”
-Cartman from South Park.
As parents, we all have to pick and choose what we feel is important. Teaser: Much of it is not important.
Parenting often seems to boil down to a battle of wills. You want this. She wants that. At times, we can start to sound like Cartman from South Park, “You must respect my Authoriti!” We’re in charge after all, right?
Or…at times…wrong?
Today, I let my kids sleep in for an extra five minutes. We’ve just been killing it as a family lately. Seemingly involved in everything that you can imagine. It’s the end of summer, the start of school, and as the clock ticked closer to 7 am, I started to feel the pressure rise. A few minutes later than I should have, I roused my daughters and told them, “Good morning, beautiful girls. It’s time to get up and get ready for school. I made a delicious breakfast for you, and it’s waiting for you at the kitchen table.”
Sloth-like and with the hair of a baby monkey on a greeting card, my twin daughters made their way to the kitchen table. As soon as their butts hit the chair, one of them lurched back up and said, “I need to go get my blanket.”
I already felt like we were pushing the time, and I knew her trip to the bedroom would take an additional 5 minutes. I said, “Honey, you don’t need your blanket to eat breakfast. In fact, it will probably just get dirty, and then we’ll have to wash it.”
To which she replied…
Honestly, her reply doesn’t matter. What matters is that we started a dialogue. And so begins our daily “Family Courtroom Drama Series,” where facts are presented and counteracting appeals make us feel like we’re getting somewhere. It’s a battle of attrition and willpower.
A minuscule desire to have a blanket at breakfast shouldn’t need to take on the context of a full-blown Supreme Court trial. She has her reasons, and I have mine. Surely, if we press this far enough, there would be a definitive winner and loser, with probable unnecessary tears and stress.
So I simply submitted to nonsense. I feel like it was nonsense for her to have a blanket while she was trying to eat breakfast. It was a hindrance and probably going to make a mess. In the catastrophic event of a “worst-case scenario” her blanket gets washed. It probably needs it anyway. So why start my day this way? Why start her day this way? This wasn’t a battle I was willing to engage in.
I quickly concluded: Who CARES.
In the magical world of parenting, it seems like these little battles happen all the time. If I can be aware of this… this nonsense, and let it go, it certainly seems like my day flows a lot more smoothly. I don’t see this incident in terms of whether she won and I lost, because she got a blanket. It just wasn’t important enough to argue over. I doubt we’ll ever think of it again.
It’s not about winning or losing, who’s right and who’s wrong, or even, “At my house, you will live by my rules!” It’s a matter of, “Is there something (and in this case “nothing”) that can help make my day and my daughter’s day go more smoothly?”
We only have so many “shits to give?” I choose to save mine for things that truly matter.
Often, I’ll use the perspective change idea from Chapter 5 which allows me to see what is simply absurd. In this case… “What would my parents (my kid’s grandparents) think about this argument and dialogue back and forth about a blanket at breakfast?” I don’t know about your parents, but mine would laugh.
They would enjoy it like a Tuesday night sitcom. Age, experience, and distance have given them the ability to look at the entire thing from a different angle. And it’s all baloney.
A similar nonsensical circumstance arose with my 8th grader last night. A fake Instagram account was created and attempted to expose all kinds of silly rumors of the inner workings of middle school. His name was on it.
“Kid X is getting his ears pierced. Kid Z put a burrito in the toilet. This girl thinks this guy is hot.” It went on and on.
Each hour a new “rumor” would be posted. It was obvious that it was all in jest and meant to be funny. It was 8th grade satire. My son and his friends thought it was hilarious, and the mystery of the “culprit” was a huge topic of discussion among the whole school.
The school principal, however, did not find the humor! She was very concerned things would get out of hand, quickly turn to cyber-bullying, and spent the evening calling each parent of those mentioned.
So I asked my son to unfollow the account, and if the principal talked to him in the morning, just let her know it was over. It was a 37-second discussion. I told him, “Your principal is concerned this could get out of hand, and it’s nonsense. It’s probably just best to drop this one. Maybe suggest to your friends to do the same. Obviously it’s a big point of concern for your principal, and there is no reason to stress her out more.”
“Yeah, okay dad. You know it was just meant to be funny, right?”
“Yep. Are you fine being done with it, or would you like to see this one play out?”
“It’s already ‘unfollowed’ dad, I’m done.”
No drama, no debate, no wasted time on strange middle school lectures of “what ifs” and “ultra-low possibilities.” Nothing gained, and nothing lost. It was over, because it was senseless!
As parents, we live our lives with a series of structures and rules. So it gets uncomfortable when our kids, spouse, and other family members push beyond our delegated norms. It even gets uncomfortable when our days don’t go as we had them planned.
“Don’t sweat the small stuff. ” And to me, most of the “stuff” is actually small in the grand scheme. This cliche might be boring, but it sure helps prevent unnecessary drama.
I can easily imagine the world and how much better we would be in America if the news started with a Ron Burgandy type anchor who said, “This just in…hell, you know what, Veronica? This is just nonsense. Let’s move on to something that has a real impact.”
Awareness Point: Parenthood will present you with insignificant scenarios every single day. Be mindful not to add more to the mountain by micromanaging and being in control of every aspect. Concentrate on spending your energy on the important matters, and brush the daily nonsense aside.
Hey guys, Chad here.
I hope that chapter brought a smile to your face, make you giggle, but also made you realize that so much of what we deal with on a day-to-day basis, if looked at from just a little bit of unique angle can really make big difference.
If you’d like this chapter, I think you’re going to really like the book. It’s available right now at Amazon both as a Kindle or the paper back. I appreciate all the help and support along the way. It has been a very exciting and interesting adventure.
If you really want to help, reviews are the analytics most looked at via Amazon and Kindle so, leave a review. It only takes about 30 seconds, and it really helps me out. That and sharing it with your friends goes a long way. I know there’s a lot of parents that need a second just to take a deep breath and relax. That’s what the entire book . “Parenting from Out of Bounds” is all about.
