Howard Jacobson: Men – once you run out of fingers to count your sexual conquests, it's time to stop

To hell with all our troubles, let's start the day off with a song. "In Italia seicento e quaranta;/In Almagna duecento e trentuna." You know the rest: after 640 in Italy and 231 in Germany, there's 100 in France, 91 in Turkey (Turkey!) and 1,003 and still counting in Spain. No mention, notice, of the United Kingdom, where either the women were too chaste or Don Giovanni couldn't face hanging around for between 50 minutes and three hours at border control – depending on whose figures you believe – waiting for his passport to be stamped. Not someone you think of as a queuer, Don Giovanni.