Equilibrium, the journey and self-actualisation

I’ve been very reflective lately and I think that’s partly because it’s nearly autumn which is a reflective time of year and partly because university is over. I’m introspective by nature but a lot of thoughts have been going through my mind and as usual, I feel I want to share some of those thoughts on my blog so hear I am!

As a writer, I have to keep the hero’s journey in mind: they have an equilibrium (a norm), an inciting incident that disturbs their norm, and then an internal and external journey towards change and a new equilibrium to go home to. I’ve not thought about this in terms of myself, though.

In a weird way, we all go through a hero’s journey again and again. It’s not always so linear or easily understood but it’s there. A norm, a disruption, a journey that feels difficult, and then a new norm after having learned and grown.

I think part of my problem is that I haven’t accepted and leaned into a new equilibrium for a while. That I’ve felt on the journey, in the thick of it, for too long. That maybe that’s why I feel called to slow down and breathe. I am ready for a journey to end and just soak up the rewards of my adventures. To relax and enjoy the changes of the last whatever years until I am called onto the next big adventure.

Because yes, there’s always new adventures. Big ones and small ones. The years come with new challenges. The seasons asking for new things from you. It’s unavoidable. We can’t be comfortable forever otherwise we don’t grow.

“Ships in harbour are safe but that’s not what ships are built for”.

However, I don’t feel like I’ve been in the harbour for a long time. Not touched down in a comfy equilibrium. I feel like I’ve been out at sea for a while and I want to return home to myself. Maybe I’m being dramatic (forgive me, I’m a writer!). But there’s something to this, I think.

So how do I get back? How do I return home to a new equilibrium and relax until the next call to action?

I think it’s about remembering who you are. It’s about reconnecting with what you wanted and who you truly are beneath all the external noise. On a hero’s journey, you’re often fighting external forces while learning about yourself within. I have done that with things like finding the right work, my creative pursuits, relationships, transitions from one thing to another, leaving home, marriage, and university. All normal things adults can go through. All while coping with my mental health and emotional health. It’s been a battle of keeping up and acceptance.

I feel I’m in a much better place now. I have the things I once hoped for. I am better mentally (though I’ve a long way to go). And in general, life is good. Big chapters have closed. I feel it’s okay to rest now. To accept my new equilibrium of being an aspiring author, a wife, a school worker, a yogi, a reader, a dog-mom and a nature lover. To stop trying to force labels on myself that don’t fit. To stop trying to keep up with others. To stop comparing. To just be.

I don’t want to battle the big boss villain anymore. I want to return to the homeland.

I think this is the right time to relax because before I know it, life will throw another curve ball, another inciting incident, and I will have to journey again. But until then, why force a challenge on myself that’s not needed? I am someone who naturally tries hard and won’t become lazy. It’s just not me. So all I need to do is relax into what I’m already doing habitually and stop forcing or fighting myself for once.

Living with anxiety for most of my life means I’ve felt like I’m always fighting the big bad guy. I don’t want that for myself anymore. I want this little hero to go home for a while.

Self-actualisation is a grand, scary concept. This idea of becoming our best selves. It feels like if we’re not constantly challenging ourselves and hustling and optimising our time, then we will fall short. We may not fail but we won’t reach our full potential either. And this does scare me. Wasted time. Wasted potential. But I think we need room for self-reflection to truly self-actualise. That without taking a step back, having a breather, and seeing our progress, then we won’t always be our best selves at all. This is what the new equilibrium is about. Not passively letting life go by and avoiding hardships, but reaping the rewards of our labour and our journey. Noting what worked and what didn’t so we are better prepared for the next pursuit. Remember that a new equilibrium means you have completed a journey and grown as a person. How awesome is that?! Be grateful for all you have and all you’ve learned by enjoying it and the stage you’re in now.

Look upon life from this new vantage point and smile. You did well.

Sincerely,

S. Xx