If You Think I'm Making It Up, You're Focusing on the Wrong Issue.

I get it.I totally get it.Aspiring writerwrites blog about an unverifiable text from an unidentifiable man.Blog goes viral, receiving the kind of attention that marketing folkthrow cash at by the fistful. Then - oh look! - it turns out that shehas a book to sell. How convenient.
I totallyunderstand why some called the blog“obvious nonsense” and“zeitgeistyclickbait”. Some offered openadmiration at my effective promotion ofmyself and my writing – Iwrote forTheStylist and StandardIssue in the week after the blogwent viral (moreplugging).
According to onepublication, further evidence of the fallacy I created is found inthat I am “extremely media savvy” and “know how to handlejournalists”. Read: I have the social skills and vocabulary to beable to respond to a direct question without crying, hyperventilatingor overuse of the words “like”, “literally” or “basically”.
Of course thereis the indisputable fact that “no man would ever write that afterjust one date”. A friend of mine stumbled upon a Reddit threadabout me (she made me promise not to ever search for it, so Ihaven't). Apparently one helpful MRA (men's rights activist) ran“Simon's” letter through an online “gender guesser” whichconcluded that – yes! - the writer of the letter is, in fact,female. Dammit. I would have gotten away with it too, if I'd spelt“hun” properly.
As I say, I canunderstand healthy cynicism. Especially because I can't prove that Ireally did receive THAT text from a man I went on just one date with.I can't verify that it's true without revealing his identity, andthat of this thirteen-year-old daughter – something I'll never,ever do. I know I received that message. A few of my close friendshave seen it. My publishers have seen it. And the producers of thenational TV show I was on last week have seen it, on the insistenceof their lawyers. There's not much more I can offer, I'm afraid. Icould print a screen grab, but I could easily have faked one, so I'mnot going to bother.
So. Let's assumeI'm lying. Let's assume that I am anall-knowing-evil-marketing-genius,who's just been biding her time as a café manager untilthe right moment to draw attention to a12-month-oldcrowdfunding campaign for a book whichis entirely unrelated to the blogwhich sheJUST KNEW would be read by 220,000people worldwide. Anevil-marketinggenius who has to ask her Instagram followers howto receivedirectmessages, and whodidn't know she'd been given the nod ofapproval by ZooeyDeschannel until three days after the fact. Let'sdo that. Let's assume that all of theabove is more likelythan a man sending a woman he barely knows an abusive message.
Because that'swhat happened. Byimposinghis views about my body upon me uninvited, thatman tried to manipulate me. To control me. To assert power over meusing the most effective weapon he had in his arsenal – the powerof shame. Hismessage wasn'tjustabout tellingme there would be no second date.Sending that meticulously-crafted,400 word message which twistsand turnsbetween such tenderness (“baby....honey...Iadore you”)and such starkbrutality(“Idon't want to be lying there next to you, and you asking me why I'mnot hard”)wasanact of cruelty. It said“I could love you thiiiiiiiiiiiis much...if only you were slightlydifferent”.It'sa widely-used strategy of dominance usedby someindividualsto corrode theself esteem oftheir partnersuntil they are utterly, utterly powerless. Andthis strategy will continue to be used, very effectively, byindividuals and by corporations out to profit from our insecurities,until we challenge it, until we stop being ashamed of our bodiesbecausewe're too fat, too thin, too short, too scarred, or too different.
“Ijust felt like folding into myself and never coming out again.”
“Hesaid I looked fat in our wedding photos. He'd say “Just trying tohelp, babe” I was a size 10 (UK)”
“...duringour time together he manipulated me into believing the way he wastreating me was my fault. That it was because I was ugly andundesirable. He had me to believe that I was being treated inaccordance with my worth and that other boyfriends didn’t do thesethings to their girlfriends simply because they looked a damn sightbetter than I did. I tried to change the way I looked so things wouldstop. At 5 ft 5, I was a healthy 8 ½ stone when I met him. I’velost a hell of a lot of weight since then. An unhealthy amount.”
“Haveyou ever thought about committing suicide? The reason I ask isbecause I have. I wonder if I just DIE, would I save myself the 'namecalling' 'bullying' and other forms of offensive language and action.Am I crazy to think that?”
Theseare afew extractsfrom the thousands of messages, comments and emails I've receivedfrom women and men from all over the world. Thousands of voicessaying “me too”. I've received too manymessages from women and men battling anorexia, bulimia, and addictionto overexercise. I've also heard from too many women and men who areso paralysed by shame because they are overweight or obese, that theydon't know what to do other than hide themselves away and eat, andeat, and eat, and eat. In both extremes these people discuss learningthis behaviour from parents, older siblings, boyfriends, girlfriends,best friends. Each of these people cites an occasion where they werebullied and shamed for the way their body looked – sometimes fromthe ages of 7, 9, 13 - long before their illnesses took hold. I'vereceived messages from too many people who are afraid to go for thatjob, that date, that holiday, because they're ashamed of theirbodies. I've received too many messages from men saying they'reafraid to start a relationship with a girl they really like, becauseshe's bigger than them and they're worried what their mates willthink. I've heard too many catfishing stories (from both sides, bothequally heartbreaking). I've received too many messages from 12 yearold girls, expressing displeasure, disgust and concern about whattheir bodies look like now, and what they may look like in thefuture.
So.Let's assume I'm lying. But if that's your main concern, you'refocussing on the wrong issue. And if you think there IS no issue,after reading these comments and others comments my blog, on myfacebook page, on my instagram pictures – you're either very lucky,or very ignorant.
So.Here comes another plug.
Weneed to have a frank and honest conversation about our bodies – ourrelationship with our own, and with other people's.
Weneed prominent, positive examples of all the different ways a healthybody can look.
Weneed to remove the poison from the statement “I'm overweight” toinspire the one in four of us who are overweight (myself included) tomake healthy, lasting changes.
Weneed to invest in developing positive body image in our young people,so that when they feel vulnerable and insecure, they have the toolsto withstand and recover from any underhanded shaming tactics.
Weneed to do all of the above with integrity, compassion and (Heavenforbid) humour.
I'mlaunching a campaign to raise awareness of the effects of bodyshamingand to encourage readers to aim for health and happiness, whatevertheir shape or size. It's an ambitious project, which is why I willbe seeking advice from dieticians, nutritionists, psychologists andhealth and fitness experts, as well talking to gamers, comedians,models, soldiers, triathletes, Mums, Dads and others who are all indifferent stages in their journeys towards health and happiness.
Speakingof which, the campaign is called Healthy. Happy. Hot.Because if you aim for the first two, the third takes care of itself.

You can supportthe campaign by pledging for the book at Unbound.