In the Land of the Passionless

I’ve been VERY gone for a loooooooong minute.

What kind of writer does that?

And takes the most extended hiatus from their blog???

Me. I did that. And not without much shame either.

I realized and stewed on this realization for quite some time. My last blog post was years ago. Years! However, I have some valid reasons for being away for so long. Let’s get into it, shall we?

I had fallen into a cycle of work, household, mothering, and sleep. I didn’t think I had enough time once I started school, but I found that I couldn’t even do THAT. Everything that I loved doing in my own personal time suffered, and went neglected. I didn’t do it intentionally, but then I decided working was more important because everything was getting more expensive (honestly, growing up in California, I never really envisioned that when it was my turn to start paying bills, it would cost not just money but blood as well), and it never let up.

Then I had another child.

My oldest was a preteen, and he wasn’t coping too well with the fact that I was having another child, so that was tough. Then events before the baby was born really took me out, and I fell into a pit of despair. It was so heavy and so overwhelming that I cried for days, even in between those days of laughter and smiles. I was going through the most intense postpartum period and couldn’t get out of it. It started well before the baby even arrived and carried on up to his first birthday. It was a very hard time for me because I never experienced it with my first child.

Things are still hard, to be honest.

Losing a home, losing a job after gaining a new home and my first car…I felt like I had failed and was failing. I still feel like I’m failing if I’m being for real.

So I decided I can get back to what it is I love now that I don’t have anything really going on.

I will say that I do have so much still going on (finding small work and still doing my motherly duties full time), but nothing that is taking me away from getting back to something I started with full intentions of being consistent. There is now space in me to return to this blog, my blog. I’m making time for myself again.

I have goals, and I know I am better able to meet them if I create micro goals, and focus that way.

I’m so happy to be able to get back into the swing of things. I was in such a dark space, but now I feel like everything is lifting, and I am ready to be more creative, to share that creativity with you all, and get back into the world of writing. I have missed this space, it’s where I know I belong.

Stay tuned, it’s going to get amazing!