Facing Graduation

The past few weeks have been pretty wild for me: in addition to all the Script Frenzy craziness, I’ve been finishing up my bachelor’s degree and trying to envision what the rest of my life will look like. Last Thursday was my very last day of college classes (maybe forever). I’m still finishing up papers and preparing for my final exams so it hasn’t completely hit me yet, but when I do stop and think that I may never again stare creepily at a cute guy in class, or participate in an argument over the meaning of a phrase in “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” I don’t know whether to smile or throw up—right now I’m leaning towards barfing.

I’ve been a student my entire life, and it’s become a pivotal part of my identity. I also just straight-up enjoy learning and working with inspired professors and students; who wouldn’t? If I was certain what I wanted to do with my life I would pursue that career, or a higher degree, but I don’t so the only plan I have is to embark upon a vague soul searching mission—exciting, but also really scary. I might just lose it during my graduation ceremony and accost the head of the English department crying, “Please don’t make me leave, I don’t know anything else!”[[MORE]]

But I have found some comfort in knowing that just because I’m not attending lectures or writing papers doesn’t mean I have to stop learning. Lately I’ve been blue when I think about all the classes I wanted to take but never got the chance to, the fact that I’m graduating without having read Ulysses (that’s an embarrassing one), and of all of the extracurriculars that I wish I’d tried but never got around to. Until two weeks ago I was really plagued by the feeling that I’m not well read enough or even generally intelligent enough to be classified as educated. I guess I figured I’d have more answers by now.

But during astronomer Alex Filippenko’s special lecture for graduating seniors, he cited a quote by Socrates that gave me great comfort: “Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel.” Approaching education in this manner convinces me that my college experience has definitely been a success as I’ve fostered a genuine hunger for learning—what does it matter that I haven’t already read every single classic? Within the last four years I’ve transformed from someone that wants A’s to someone that wants to understand; I’m confident that I’ll be able to continue challenging myself once I’m on my own.

Graduating is still kind of a bummer, I’m going to miss Berkeley, and my life here, but leaving doesn’t mean I have to change completely.

Is anyone else graduating? For those of you who already have, do you miss school? How have you continued to learn independently?

- Jessie

Photo by Flickr user beejjorgensen