My Totally Unfair Nope List

I really love BookBub because I find authors on there I’d miss otherwise. The downside of BookBub is blurb fatigue. After you’ve read the two hundredth romance blurb, you get a little . . . cranky. Well, I do. And today, reading down the blurbs I realized that I have developed a list of Nope words that are not fair in the slightest, but that nevertheless trigger my don’t-want-to-read-that instinct. These include:

Baby, Secret. I object to this at a very visceral level: A guy deserves to know he’s a father. If he doesn’t want anything to do with the kid, that changes things, but he should at least have a chance. The whole he-went-to-war/Hollywood/out of the country-and-I-couldn’t-contact-him is dumb as snot. You can find anybody these days. Exceptions: He died (heroine is completely off the hook on that one) or it was a one night stand and she never got his name (heroine is dumb as a rock having unprotected sex with somebody she’s never seen before). In those cases, she really can’t find him, but I don’t want to read that story. (Death? Bleah. Stupidity? Double Bleah.)

Bakery. If you tell me the heroine runs a bakery, goes home to open a bakery, goes to work at a bakery (especially with a Grumpy Boss), I am out of there. This in spite of the fact that bakeries are some of my favorite places. But nope, I do not want to read about love among the cupcakes. If anything ever telegraphed “Cute Story, No Snark,” it’s a bakery.

Billionaire. I’m sorry, but when I think about the billionaires I’ve read about–Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Bill Gates (who is not putting microchips in vaccines, get a grip, people), what’s-his-name Zuckerberg–I find nothing enticing or romantic about them, even without their propensity for dumping their brilliant wives for younger sexpots. How the hell did billionaires become object of affection? They did not become billionaires by being nice people. And don’t say the money makes up for it, that makes it even worse. Golddigger Romance: there’s a subgenre for you.

Boss. Look, most of the sexual harassment that happens in the workplace is because of unequal power, so I don’t want to read about screwing the boss (or your professor, especially your professor, gah) because that’s criminally stupid and also gross. I don’t mind May/December, especially if December is female, but not authority figures who can destroy your career. I like smart heroines.

I have more, that’s just the B’s, and again I admit that this is not fair. I’m probably missing some really good books.
If it helps, I’ve been suckered into a lot of mediocre stories by the word “hockey.”

So now, to ease my guilt, which admittedly is not great, I’m asking you:

What are your Nope words when you’re looking for a story?