Autism Answer: Our Example Is More Than What We Do While Our Children Watch

 

One of my granddaughters sweeping

  Our kids do learn from our example. I know they do. But....  Working hard while they watch doesn't mean they're learning to work hard. Reading great literature while they climb all over us on the couch doesn't mean they're learning the value of great reading. Maintaining a comfortably clean environment in their presence doesn't mean they are learning to do the same.  Our example is more than what we do while our children watch. It is also how we include them in what we're doing, it is how we explain our reasons for doing what we do, it is the ways in which we guide them to try, to join us, to tell us their reasons.  It is our own attempts at meeting them half way that help them more honestly notice us and our example.  Regardless of our children's abilities, styles, basic personalities, they are learning from our example. But that does not mean we can simply do things we think are good while they watch. Because what they are seeing when they watch is not actually the thing we are doing.  What our children see is themselves. Particularly our children with sensory issues and social challenges. They are contending first with themselves, and what they see of our example grows out from there.  If I keep a clean house but don't show them why or how, my children will not likely learn to keep a clean house but, instead, will likely learn (from my example) that they should expect a house to be kept clean for them. (Don't worry, I did not do that. A clean house? Ha!!)  So, yes. It's nice to know that if we work at always being a good example for our children they will learn from it. But it's important to know that what they will learn is always up to them, and that the only guaranteed bonus of setting a good example is that we ourselves will be someone we believe is a good example, and we will be able to remember having done that for ourselves and our children.  Our children do learn from our example.
 Even if what they learn is to throw my books away because when I am reading great literature on the couch I am not doing a good job of paying attention to them.  Hugs, smiles, and love!!!Autism Answers with Tsara Shelton (Facebook)