Five ways to cope with a major life transition

It’s never easy to lose – anything. We are a people that become attached and clingy to our bodies and our titles and our money and our stuff. Part of becoming enlightened then, is to detach from those things.

Even if enlightenment isn’t your ultimate goal, letting go of your need to control and manage the things that really cannot be managed or controlled will keep you from stressing out. When we can learn to let go and roll with the inevitable changes, we create some space in our lives. We make room for good things to come. We become a witness to what happens next.

You have plenty of opportunity to practice this letting go, if you decide to try it. Many of us get to lose jobs and money. We get to lose our health and loved ones. We end marriages, move houses, lose our youth. Change is normal. Letting go a requirement. The pain we feel around it though,  comes only because we’ve been holding on so tight.

As Buddha says, the very nature of life is impermanence, when you really know that, when you embrace this nature of change — even the super tough stuff like death and loss, gets a little easier to deal with.

Here are five ways to practice letting go:

Stay present: Often our fears and reluctance come out of our focus on the future. Stop doing that. Focus on the present. Deal with the moments now. This will give you some confidence as you cope with one change at a time instead of creating drama around future “what ifs” and the “what might happens.”

Accept what is: Often our greatest pain comes from resisting what is already happening. How much sense does that make? See what is. Take an honest, good, hard look at it and deal with that, instead of what you’re wishing it was. Believe me; this isn’t as hard as you think it is.

Connect to the emotion: Change can be scary – so what? Feel the fear. Experience the sadness. Be with it. Too often we spend all our energy moving out of the bad-feeling emotion, only to have it come out in other, less productive, ways. Acknowledge whatever you’re feeling. Don’t behave badly from it, just notice it. Soon enough, that feeling will change too.

Acknowledge what you can do. There is plenty in life that you have no control over and a few little things that you do. Identify which aspects you can impact then work on those. For example, if you are feeling tired and overwhelmed, you can choose to eat nourishing foods, or take a hot shower, or fit in a nap to help revive your body. Often, in the midst of change we try to micro-manage every detail. This is rarely productive and only adds to our stress. Instead, manage what you can and do little things each day with the sole purpose of nourishing your mind/body/soul – that is all that you can do and it’s enough.

Again, don’t take on change by wishing things were different – that’ll never work – but you can start praying for guidance to get through. Or you can start working out to maintain your physical health and those things will make you more able to manage the emotions and tasks that appear in the moment.

Let go. This topic should be first and last on this list. After all, if we surrendered and simply experienced things as they are, we would be happier and less stressed. There comes a time – even in the transition from day to night – that you’ve got to let go and accept that the light is fading fast.

Life is like this. You’ve got to let go of the money you no longer have, or the old job. You’ve got to let go of the physical connection you have to your dying loved one.  Let go and surrender to what is – then you’ll be able to move gracefully with it.

This can be a very tangible exercise, write down what you’re attached to and needing to release: the idea for a specific relationship, a desire for a new car, your attachment to an old job. Then, surrender to the reality of what it is. Right now you’re driving a beater. The dream relationship isn’t working out. You lost your job.

Then release it. Say it out loud. “I am letting go of my attachment to this abusive relationship.” “I am letting go of my attachment to this job.” “I am releasing my pain and fear about this change.” Take deep breaths and imagine the anxiety around this situation dissipating into the air. Feel the relief.

The pain of it may still come back on you – think emotional acid reflux. But, that’s O.K. When it does come up, remind yourself that you’ve already let it go and move on.

 

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