Good Enough to be Fearless by Tammy D. Walker

 FEARLESS FRIDAY

Tammy has a great fearless post for us. She looked those naysayers in the face and fearlessly pursued her dreams. 

I'd heard it again and again from teachers and fellowstudents: "You're just not good enough."  I'd heard it often enough from other peoplethat I even began telling myself "You're just not good enough."  So I'd always taken the safe route. 

The safe route, for me, did not involve anything to do withmath or science, even though I'd loved those subjects when I was younger.  When I reached high school, though, somethingabout my connection to math and science changed.  I don't know if it was just the usualadolescent social and emotional upheaval, that teaching styles changed, or ifmy inability to memorize seemingly unrelated numbers and facts and formulas caughtup with me.  It didn't help to hear mymath teacher--I had the same one the last three years of highschool--constantly remind us that if we couldn't do math as well as anengineer, well, we were all failures in life.  

And when my high school computer science teacher told methat I'd asked a "stupid question," well, that pretty much ended myinterest.  Which was devastating on somelevel.  I'd spent a lot of timeprogramming the family Commodore 64 when I was younger, and I'd enjoyedbringing together my love of computers and my love of music. 

 

So, when I went to college, I studied "easysubjects," psychology and sociology. (My favorite psychology class was, you guessed it, statistics.)  And then, during my last semester, I took aclass on Shakespeare.  My professor toldme I was more than good enough at writing analyses of plays, so why not be anEnglish major?  So after a year of notfinding a suitable job with my psychology BA, I enrolled in a master's programin English.  Because I was good enough atthat. 

Studying English boosted my confidence--here was something Iwas more than just "good enough" at! And I discovered that maybe I was also good enough at creative writing,too.  So after I finished up my master'sdegree, I enrolled in a PhD program, studying poetry, both as a critic and awriter.  

All the while, though, I kept my connections totechnology.  I created websites forstudent groups.  I studied more about thedatabases I used to organize submissions to the literary magazine I workedfor.  And, after I graduated, I took ajob at another university that involved administrative tasks for their distanceeducation.  Which meant more databasesand, even better, course management systems. 

My manager at that job asked me where I saw myself going ina few years.  The only way up was topursue management positions, and I knew that wasn't for me.  I also enjoyed teaching, but I didn't want todo that full time.  I was involved intechnology upgrades in that position, and those upgrade projects fascinated mefar more than any of my other tasks. 

So, I did some research and discovered that I could takeonline computer science classes through a community college.  I could learn more about databases andsoftware development. 

Of course, I was nervous at first.  After all, I wasn't good enough at math,science, and especially computer programming. Except I did really quite well at my online college classes.  And I remembered how much I loved writingcode.  Plus, I was able to get a goodprogramming job not long after graduation. 

If I hadn't taken that risk, I don't think I would havetaken other risks later on.  Proving tomyself that I could successfully study computer programming and then work as asoftware developer gave me the confidence to take chances in other areas of mylife. 

After finishing up my PhD in English, I stopped writing foryears.  I never felt "goodenough" at that either, in spite of publications and positive feedbackfrom professors and peers.  Afterchanging careers, though, I went back to writing.  Four published books in, I'm grateful that Ifelt confident enough to try writing (and submitting my work to publishers)again. 

This taking-a-chance theme stayed with me as I wrote mydebut cozy mystery, Venus Rising. In the book, Amy Morrison leaves her small Texas town to work as alibrarian aboard a luxury British ocean liner. And her risk pays off: she gets to experience the glitter and adventureof life aboard ship as well as friendship with people she might not have methad she stayed home.  She loves both hersmall town roots and her new life, and I feel the same: I love that I studiedEnglish, because I adore reading and writing, but I'm also grateful that Itransitioned to a career as a software developer, because the work wasinteresting and it gave me such a confidence boost.  (It also helped me to create the IT staff andtheir work aboard the ship, too!) 

Like Amy, I'm still working on figuring out what "goodenough" means for me.  Also, likeAmy, I'm glad I've taken the risks I have.  

When the manager at my last software developer job told methat I was one of the best programmers he'd ever worked with, well, I think Ican say I've officially reached "good enough." 

Almost as soon as recent divorcee Amy Morrison begins her dream job as librarian aboard the world’s most expensive luxury cruise liner, she nearly sinks it. She’s tasked with hosting the debut of a painting celebrated but hidden for nearly sixty years. But the artist claims the painting isn’t hers. And then, the artist goes missing. With the help of a retired academic couple lecturing aboard the ship, a dashing IT manager, and a housekeeping staff with a love of literature, Amy tries to solve the art fraud and kidnapping while rediscovering the adventurous side of herself. 

Buy links are the top of my website: https://www.tammydwalker.com/ and below 

Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Venus-Rising-Tammy-D-Walker-ebook/dp/B0BKYG5J6Q/

B&N: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/venus-rising-tammy-d-walker/1142600228

Bookshop.org: https://bookshop.org/p/books/venus-rising-tammy-d-walker/19256882

BAM: https://www.booksamillion.com/p/Venus-Rising/Tammy-D-Walker/9781509247080

Tammy D. Walker writes cozy mysteries, poetry, and sciencefiction.  Her debut cozy mystery,Venus Rising, was published in 2023 by The Wild Rose Press.  As T.D. Walker, she’s the author of thepoetry collections Small Waiting Objects (CW Books 2019), Maps of a HollowedWorld (Another New Calligraphy 2020), and Doubt & Circuitry(Southern Arizona Press 2023).  Whenshe’s not writing, she’s probably reading, trying to find far-away stations onher shortwave radios, making poetry programs, or enjoying tea and scones withher family.  Find out more at herwebsite: https://www.tammydwalker.com