GUILT - WHAT IS IT?
FromLinda Lee Greene Author/Artist
I have anenormous problem with feelings of guilt. I’m convinced it’s the bane of myexistence—my chief obstacle in life. I rationalize away too many good hours ofmy days in service to this insidious structure of my ego. I want to break itshold on me. But how? I can’t afford a psychotherapist. Maybe the Catholics haveit right—maybe confession is good for the soul! I think I’ll try it. So heregoes:
Isuck at the art of relaxation and when I try to relax, I feel guilty about iteven though in an out-of-reach region of my consciousness, I know it’s abeneficial thing. But tell that to my ego! Tell that slavedriver that notevery moment must have a purpose, some useful something attached to it.
SometimesI just feel lazy. Ahhh, laziness—not the same as constructive relaxation atall, but a SIN! If you don’t believe me on this point, ask M. Scott Peck, M.D., who wrote the definitive exposé on laziness in his groundbreaking book, People of the Lie. He theorized that laziness ismankind’s greatest evil…that it IS the very DNA of evil. My poor mother, GodBless Her Departed Soul, could only justify her need for this evil by feigningillness and going to her bed for a few hours in a week, or so. My God, I’vebecome my mother and one of Peck’s reprobates!
I’vemade mistakes with my kids—little mistakes and big mistakes. I still do. Thoseare the guilts that bore treacherous, black holes in my mind and heart intowhich I most often plummet…and yes, I lose myself there. My ego loves thoseplunges most of all because there’s no end to the ego’s guilt-affirming,mind-chatter there.
SometimesI gossip! Shame! Shame! Shame! There really is no excuse for it, but still I doit on occasion even while one part of my brain is berating me for my indulgencewhile the other is joyfully partaking of it. The gossiper-me is like a foodaddict licking a huge dome of vanilla ice cream, my taste buds blindlywelcoming as an honored guest the fat cells accumulating on my behind. Andthereafter for days, I feel dreadful about the gossiping and the ice creamorgy.
Sometimes,and sometimes for very long stretches of time, I just don’t want to write, andespecially to market my writing. There’s no limit to my guilt related to thatone because it’s directly centered on God, no less! Why, you ask? Well, becauseGod sent me here to be a writer; it’s my purpose in this life, my ticket intothis particular incarnation—and I have the unmitigated gall to ignore thatagenda, to squander my gift, to thumb my nose at God!!!
Therejust is no hope for me. Guilt has me in a firm grip and it won’t let go. Butwait a minute! I think I do feel a slight easing of my conscience. Wow! Thiscoming clean really works.
Maybeyou’d like to try it. Oh come on. You can do it. There’s a blank space justbelow with your name on it. Only you and I will ever know—I promise!
Internationalbest-selling author Paulette Mahurin had the following to say to me on thesubject at hand:
Comment:
Paulette Mahurin
Good one. We all struggle with this thing called, beinghuman. No escaping it. No switch to turn it on or off and make it do what wewant. It's a new age thing to label it "ego" and put it out there,aside from "the real me" but I've learned that it's all me, simpleole uneasy/easy imperfect me. No escaping the conditioning, programming,learning, and yeah, DNA. So what's the point? Does it even matter if there isone, it'll all change anyway. I'm so glad to see you back out among the cyberdrifters. I love you and your incredible writing. Couldn't resist stopping byto let you know.
Linda Lee Greene
Hello againPaulette. Thanks so much for keeping an eye out for me. I love connecting withyou. I love you too. Best of luck with HIS NAME WAS BEN. I meant to tell youthat your ending of that book was one of the best I've ever read.
In multi-award-winning author, Linda Lee Greene’s A CHANCE AT THEMOON, Olivia’s guilt over her involvement with her mother’s murder drives herto desperate measures that turn deadly dangerous to herself and to the only manwho has truly loved her.
A reader says: “A gripping tale of romance, vices, glamour,insecurities, betrayal, and murder written in a very descriptive and artisticmanner which paints a picture of the environment and characters. This wasclearly well-researched…”
Rich and spoiled-rotten Olivia Montoyo Simms wouldn't know how to cook up a meal even if she was so hungry that "her belly was gnawing at her backbone," to borrow an old-timey expression. But Olivia has no match in the ways of wooing a man to her risky schemes. A gorgeous stranger at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas has all the goods to satisfy and girl's appetite, but unknown to Olivia, he just might be the one guy who also has what it takes to wrangle her comeuppance. Was it chance or destiny’s hand behind the movie-star and gambler’s curious encounter at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas? The cards fold, their hearts open, and a match strikes, flames that sizzle their hearts and souls. Can they have the moon and the stars, too? Or is she too dangerous? Is he? Can their love withstand betrayal? Can it endure murder?While the cards at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas fail to distract them from their troubled pasts, on the side, the actress and the gambler play a game of ‘will they won’t they’ romance. Meanwhile, an otherworldly hand also has a big stake in the game. Unexpected secrets unfold brimming with dangerous consequences, and finally, a strange brand of salvation.
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Multi-award-winning author and artist Linda Lee Greene describes her life as a telescope that when trained on her past reveals how each piece of it, whether good or bad or in-between, was necessary in the unfoldment of her fine art and literary paths. Greene moved from farm-girl to city-girl; dance instructor to wife, mother, and homemaker; divorcee to single-working-mom and adult-college-student; and interior designer to multi-award-winning artist and author, essayist, and blogger. It was decades of challenging life experiences and debilitating, chronic illness that gave birth to her dormant flair for art and writing. Greene was three days shy of her fifty-seventh birthday when her creative spirit took a hold of her.
She found her way to her lonely easel soon thereafter. Since then Greene has accepted commissions and displayed her artwork in shows and galleries in and around the USA. She is also a member of artist and writer associations.
Visit Linda at her online art gallery and join her on Facebook . Linda loves to hear from readers so feel free to email her.
