I’m Fine How I Am…Break Me

I’m not sure about you, but I don’t like to be torn apart, broken, ripped to pieces, shredded, smashed to bits. I’m pretty sure no one enjoys that process.

Most of us would be content waking up the exact same as we woke up this morning. No change. Status quo. The plateau affect.

But should we?

Should we be content with mediocrity when a higher standard, goal, idea, agenda is lurking around the corner?

Sadly, the majority of the time to reach that next level one has to experience those growing pains.

But what if your growth is immature, or spreading in the wrong direction, or running wild into chaos? What do you do then?

Sometimes you have to stop the madness, go back to the drawing board, reshuffle things around, and start fresh. It takes time, but you have to stop it like a virus before it contaminates everything and then there is nothing worth salvaging.

Someone the other day offered up the prayer for God to break us.

Let’s just say, that is one prayer I’m hesitant in praying sincerely.

There are some truths that I know.

1. God is good – so if He sees something in me that needs breaking, He is more than likely right.

2. God is love – so if He sees something in me that needs cutting away, He is more than likely going to do it in a loving, more kind way than the world would.

3. I’m not perfect – so I am fairly certain I do have something in my life that needs changing

4. I don’t want it to happen to me

Yes, the fourth item is a selfish truth, but it’s still a truth that I know in a very personal way.

I grew up with a yard full of rose bushes. My parents planted them all over. We had roses of various colors – red, pink, white, yellow. I remember having to water the rose bushes in the late evenings with a water hose, and not to get the leaves wet. I’m still not sure why.

But I also remember seeing my mom pruning the roses. Clipping the bulbs in full bloom, taking off the deadening petals, and then in late summer she would trim back the bushes so they could regrow the following summer.

Sometimes the rose bush looked sick after the pruning, but after time it flourished more than it had before, because it was pruned.

So, maybe I’m like a rose bush that needs pruning. Do you know what pruning is? It’s cutting the bad pieces away. I’ve never heard a rose bush scream, but I’m not sure the rose bush finds the pruning process enjoyable either.

And I know when there are seasons in my life when things are being cut away, broken, pruned, it’s not a day to stop and smell the roses.

It’s usually a day to wallow. And I don’t feel like wallowing.

Yet, as I look back in my life, those seasons of winter brought forward a season of spring that would not have arrived if winter didn’t happen first.

I wish I could be like a bear. “Okay God, I’m going to go into this cave and hibernate while you do a work in me that needs to be done. Then when I wake up, I’ll be better than ever.”

But that’s not how it works.

Yet, it’s during this time I have to remind myself of the three truths I mentioned before (leaving out the fourth).

God is good. God is love. And I’m not perfect.

I’m still weary in saying the prayer…maybe I’ll pray it on a Friday night and allow God to break me on a Saturday when I can sleep and wallow while binge watching something on Netflix.

But I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that if God sees something need breaking in me, I’m confident in His ability to rebuild, reconstruct, restore, renew me better than how I previously was living.

It’s just the apprehension of the unknown and what’s going to happen next that makes we want to skip this prayer.

So, if you’re feeling brave, it’s time to pray a bold prayer.

God, break me to make me better than I was before…but please, don’t leave me during the healing. Amen

Peace