Thurs. July 27, 2023: Just When You Take The Risk of Happiness
image courtesy of Arek Socha via pixabay.comThursday, July 27, 2023
Waxing Moon
Pluto, Saturn, Neptune, Venus, Chiron Retrograde
Rainy, hot, humid. Flood watch
Catch up on the latest about the garden over on Gratitude and Growth.
Just when you think you get a little ahead, it’s all destroyed.
Today’s serial episode is from Legerdemain:
Episode 106: Necessary Medical Attention
Shelley needs a Restorative Medic. The assassin needs to be neutralized.
I spent a good portion of the morning do the social media rounds and various site updates for the Deadly Dramatics launch. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I hope you do so soon. The first three episodes are free.
I also did the rounds for Angel Hunt and the Process Muse.
Then, the landlord showed up. He’s sold the building – all the buildings. The new owners are doing a walk-through next Tuesday. He tried to reassure me that we have nothing to worry about, but I KNOW BETTER. I know that we are screwed. And I have no idea what to do about it.
There’s a housing crisis. The waiting list for so-called “affordable housing” (which isn’t) is 3-5 years. In this state, the landlords can raise rent as much as they want any time they want. Because there is a housing crisis, they can get it, and get away with it. The various agencies and politicians yap about it, but let them get away with it. In this state, tenants basically have no rights. NY had much better tenants’ rights, and remember what happened when my mother’s building was sold.
Since we moved here, I’ve been afraid to be happy, for fear the other shoe would drop. I just started to let myself feel happy and dive into the work.
And now this.
Well, we’ll meet them next week and take it one step at a time.
To say I am devastated is an understatement.
The landlord tried to reassure me that they want to keep us, we’re stable, excellent tenants, and the rent raise will be “small” – which is a relative term. If they raise it to local market rates (which are lower than some other areas), it will still be above our range. Plus, they’ll add charges for things that are included now, like parking and garbage, so it will be even more out of our reach. And there’s nothing within our range here, even smaller. Besides, I know from experience that these corporations do NOT value reliable, stable tenants. Their only interest is to jack up the rents and have a high turnover so they can keep jacking up the rent. By being a reliable tenant who keeps the place in good shape, they will see that they have less work to do turning this unit around, and we will be one of the first they force out. With so many buildings and over 100 apartments filled with tenants, it will be a bloodbath.
And I am done making my life smaller for these ass-rats.
So I am upset.
I am very much a home-and-hearth person. If my home is unstable, everything else is also in chaos. It took me over a year to recover from the last move.
It meant the rest of the day’s work did not go well, to say the least.
But I did make up a rough sort of strategic plan for the next few months (“if Y happens, I’ll try Z” and that sort of thing).
Contacted the Rye Historical Society, trying to line up all my ducks for the trip the second week of August. Heard back from the Archives in Elmsford, who are so happy to host me. I’m really excited about the time there.
My new little red Kodak point and shoot digital camera arrived. It’s so tiny! It’s so cute! The directions have absolutely nothing to do with how it actually works!
But I figured it out, and I’m all set for the trip, at least as far as the camera and the SD card and the batteries and all of that goes. And the archives. If I can’t sort out Rye, I won’t go down on the Tuesday, and just go to the Archives and back on Wednesday. Whatever way it shakes out, it will be fine.
I was too upset to do client work in the afternoon; that will pile more on me today, and probably mean that a poetry workshop to which I was invited to tonight in Pittsfield is a no-go.
Since there isn’t much client work right now, due to the strike (well, not a lot of client work I can accept without being a scab), I have to take it when it comes up.
So much for the grant giving me any breathing room.
Floated a few information balloons on some of the social media channels, and got commiseration, suggested resources, and offers to be an ear for brainstorming on most of them, which was nice. Except Bluesky, where they’re too busy bullying and shitposting to have empathy for anyone. I swear, that platform is like the worst of high school.
I got some reading and organizational work done in the evening. Collapsed into bed, but was awake around 2 AM, fretting. I thought we were over that, but here we are again. I came up with a few strategies, and I just have to remember I’m playing poker and/or chess, not cage fighting. At least not at first.
Of course, this is happening during Venus Retrograde, with the Mercury Retrograde looming. Venus Retrograde is about needs being met, and an unstable housing situation definitely points out needs not being met. It’s also about self-esteem, and if my home situation is unstable, nothing else works. The Pluto retrograde: all of the maneuverings to sell behind the tenants’ backs (what’s hidden); the Saturn retrograde: life lessons (you thought you were in a stable, safe situation. Fuck you for believing that; haven’t you learned yet that there’s no such thing as an ethical landlord? Guess not, so let’s slap you with THAT life lesson again); Neptune retrograde: illusions and dreams (again, the illusion of a stable home environment, which is paramount to my being able to function); Venus retrograde (stated above); Chiron retrograde: the wounded healer (re-opening the wounds that were just scabbed over). And then the Mercury Retrograde looming, which means, if we are slapped with a new lease during that point, we are fucked. I mean, we moved during a Mercury Retrograde, which I hope I never have to do again, but signed the lease before the retrograde, which I had hoped at least protected us a little.
Venus Retrograde is also about course correction and creativity. Venus is retrograde in Leo, a fire sign. In my birth chart, Venus sits in Aries, another fire sign. In fact, it’s the only fire in my chart. Which means my tendency is to go aggressive flamethrower, and that’s not necessarily the best choice at this moment.
I can look at all the tendencies/influences the retrogrades affect and use it as information to make smarter choices.
Needless to say, we are not discussing it with the extended family up in Maine, who were so spectacularly unhelpful the last move, and came across as a bit disappointed when we pulled it off.
I’m hoping we can work things out with the new owners, but I’m not putting all my eggs in that basket, based on previous experience. At least, maybe, we can buy some time until spring.
I finally fell asleep again. Up early. Was violently ill. Took a COVID test, which was, as I expected, negative. It’s stress-based.
I have at least the start of a plan, which will settle me down a bit, and I have options on which to pivot. I even have a route on the flow chart marked “unknown” which doesn’t make it any less unknown, but at least there’s a slot for it, and my brain will process it better.
This morning, I have meditation group with the Concord Library and yoga at my home library (provided I stop being sick by the time I have to leave). I need to upload and schedule next week’s Legerdemain episodes, and polish/upload/schedule more Deadly Dramatics episodes. I’m 14 episodes behind where I hoped to be at this point, although I’m uploaded/scheduled through early May of 2024, so it’s not like I have to worry yet.
I have to draft more Legerdemain, work on a few other writing projects, and dig into the client project.
I’ve done all I can until the walk-through by the new owners next week. I’ll do some more cleaning and tidying over the weekend, so the place will sparkle and smell good.
August 1 is supposed to be an exuberant, joyful day in my personal calendar, and instead. . .this.
Oh, well.
Take each day as it comes, and don’t let down my guard.
Have a good one!
