Book Review for If Only I’d Known by Chelsey Brooke Cole
I received this book for free. This does not impact my review in any shape or form.
If Only I’d Known, by Chelsey Brooke Cole, is a self-help guide dedicated to helping individuals heal from narcissistic abuse. The book is divided into three sections. Part One: The Inner Workings of a Narcissist, teaches the tolls that a narcissist will use to make their “loved ones” more codependent on them for validation, support, love, and everything in between. Part Two: Finding Yourself, details coping skills, both beneficial and maladaptive, that an individual uses to survive narcissistic abuse. Finally, Part Three: Healing Your Past, Present, and Future offers different strategies that an individual can use to either eliminate the narcissist from their lives, or at the very least, minimize the mental and emotional pain they go through when interacting with said narcissist.
While the personality disorder in and of itself is rare, there are people who have a lot of narcissistic traits that have resulted in pain for everyone around them, themselves included. There are people who cry out, “Why doesn’t anyone love me?” not bothering to see the impact of their own behavior. Because of this, I feel that this book not only helps individuals deal with the abuse, but will also allow them to walk away without any guilt. I especially enjoyed the exercises that were listed towards the end, from the CALM acronym, to the encouragements in practicing positive self-talk and gratitude. The book has a mixture of inspirational and therapeutic tones that acts as a soft nudge to encourage them to heal, whether it be by themselves or with others.
Helping people who have experienced domestic violence and sexual assault has always been a special interest of mine, so I can definitely see this book pair well with other resources such as 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life by Bill Eddy and Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. The book also reminds me of a relationship class for women that this rehab center I interned at used to do. The class talked a lot about codependency, violence, why we come back to partners who have abused us, ect. True, individuals who have abused may have, in turn, been abused in the past. Similarly, there was a parenting class I helped teach in the facility as well, and in the curriculum, an emphasis of healthy boundaries was made over and over and over again. It really just shows that narcissists can be anyone, whether it be a parent, a partner, a sibling, and more, and that it was important for us to be protective of ourselves with everyone. However, while that means we can feel sorry for them, even love them, that doesn’t mean we need to allow these individuals to keep hurting us.
Because of this, I would give this book a 4.5 out of 5 stars, and would recommend it to those who are experiencing narcissistic abuse, codependency, ect.
