Admiring your self

I used to feel guilty that I was not putting my 100 % into my studies. That aspect made me resent myself.

When I realised there was some difficulty for me in studying, all the memories where I put in as much effort as I can, resurfaced in my mind. I felt appreciation and admiration for myself.

All those times I was being the girl, I wanted me to be. I was a good daughter giving my best. Now, I love myself

How I guessed I have a learning disability is… Since childhood I had no idea how I’ve learned to read and write.

Whenever I tried to read, my mind wanders off somewhere. The thing is, in later classes I knew how to read, speak and write, though initially with spelling mistakes. I wasn’t doing great but I was doing fine enough. My best guess would be that I was learning from the classes and interactions in the school rather than reading texts.

So, it was not quite obvious that I had this disability. But my sister recently mentioned that in my primary school I used to write my tests and one side of the book I wrote the answer and the other side I used to leave it blank. I do not remember this incident though. My parents didn’t take it seriously because I never read at home and getting a pass mark was itself a great feat. My mom mentions many times that she has no idea how I passed the grades. To get into school, I even passed an interview I don’t know how!

I needed special attention that I’d got from tuitions especially for maths and english. And when I go to tuitions, my grades jumped from failure to outstanding performance within a short time of attending it.

I didn’t like going to tuitions and get support. Because I wanted to achieve it independently. But I loved the effortlessness it was bringing in my life.

I became one of the scholars for the first time in my 10th grade. In premed school you get special attention so it was okay. Though there were hours I’ve spent staring at one page. It was hard. But I knew somehow that I’ll make it and I did get into one of the best medical schools.

In medical school, almost all of my classmates depended on self study rather than clinicals or classes. It was not easy for me. And all of the unconscious adapting actions like special attention like tuition, classes, practical experience were not there to aid me. My performance started going down and the problem peaked in my final year.

And this devastating situation made me get to this point to know what was going wrong and grateful now that I could make sense of what was happening.

Everything is for the best. Thanks so much! Love to all