Anniversaries Then and Now
Hi and Welcome to the A & J PEI Treasures E Jean Simpson Author Blog Post and Podcast. I’m your host, Jean coming to you from the beautiful Province of Prince Edward Island, Canada!! The blog post and podcast is an opinion piece and only reflects this author’s opinion and not that of any other entity. I hold no designations in politics, economics or medicine. I am retired from the mental health field. I am a humanitarian and speak from that viewpoint only. Whether you agree with me or not, at least I hope it makes you think. This week I look at our own milestone and how things change over the years. If you want to find out more, then stay tuned…!
I told my husband that I had to somehow come up with a blog post topic to draft and use as my podcast. His first answer was … tell everyone how good your husband is to you. My first thought was this isn’t General Hospital…no one wants to hear about it. Then I thought…wait, there might be something with that thought. Then I realized it was going to be our 37th wedding anniversary on the 16th of July. It is one of the few days I do celebrate. When we got married in 1986, no one questioned that I would take his name. Not even me. No one questioned that I had a maid of honour and he had a best man. Things were simpler, or so it seemed. I never thought of having a male as part of my bridal party. That idea seems to have come out in the last while and I was frankly intrigued. I did have a friend I would have asked, whether he would have accepted or not is a different story. I had invited the one instructor from the College I attended after finding my BEd was not a way to find a viable job. The College instructor was the only one who seemed to care whether or not I picked up the skills. He was a lovely gentleman. I knew that they sniggered behind his back and made innuendo about his ‘lifestyle’ or his attraction to males. I never gave that a second thought and was so happy he agreed to come. I was honoured that he gifted me a simple bottle opener. I didn’t really feel he needed to bring anything…he had been one of my best teachers in the school. That was gift enough for me. We didn’t go around expecting huge gifts at any rate and just wanted to share our day. Most of those in attendance were trying to live in their means. The wedding was something that was joining of two people. Back then it was usually assumed that it was a man and a woman. As I say, things were simpler and yet more complicated. People didn’t think about something that was a fundamental part of people’s lives as being anything other than the one thing and the one way. There wasn’t an acknowledgement of different ways of joining or different types of marriage. Even in the 1980’s, there were the same assumptions that seem to take over now despite better education being available. The one thing I can say is that now there is some visibility and yet even in this, some groups want to deny, hide and even harm. Sometimes it feels like the further ahead we come, the further behind we keep getting. But I digress…
Back up to the proposal. We weren’t independently wealthy, I said yes to a Cabbage Patch ring, a flower drawn on cardboard taped to a straw. He drew out a fireplace as it was around the holidays. He burned at least one supper beyond recognition he was so nervous. He asked my father’s blessing. I am often confused and flabbergasted by the amount of detail and the need for the biggest and best and everything having to be perfect in order to get married. We had very little. We were living on student loans for the most part and so were a goodly proportion of family and friends. Hubby almost got tossed out of his program for low attendance as he tried a job and school. I finally got a job and we managed until he Graduated.
When it came to the whole enterprise, I had already finished my BEd by this time and could not find a job. How we ended up in Ontario was a little sketchy. I was supposed to attend my second degree in the fall, but all that changed. My boyfriend then (Husband now) decided that it would be better to find somewhere else to get his education. Choice was to follow or to let him go. University was not his thing. That was fair enough. It really isn’t for everyone. His course work at the College was simple to him and he did well enough. He had been placed in probably the worst course for his skill set at University. That aside, we were engaged and happy. We moved because grapes grew well. I didn’t say everything was exactly logical. The weather was supposed to be nice. As an aside, I found the lifestyle way too fast for my liking. Our one stop in Toronto was on the way to Niagara Falls and I nearly got run over by a bunch of ladies with carts. I wanted to leave within the half hour.
Nowadays, the wedding dress seems to cost as much as our first car...actually, I think our first car was somewhat less expensive than a wedding dress. I was going to use my mothers. Had started some changes, but she offered to get me a new dress. So, I went wedding dress shopping. I didn’t want to put my parents in the poor house for a wedding, so we shopped around a bit. Apologies to Say Yes to the Dress type shows…my husband came with me to shop. Yes, my fiancé actually helped me pick out my wedding dress much to the shock of some of the girls in the program I was finishing up. There was no guidance or little from the store. They sent me into the room with him and we found a dress. I liked it well enough. Done! My Maid of Honour was in another Province and we got her dress the same way. My parents and any family that would attend had to come halfway across Canada. I did have a few family members in the Province we were in. But, I was never into big group things. I don’t even remember much about the shopping for the wedding dress. I was probably the least self-centered bride there was. I knew there were things we had to do…get the cake picked, get the venue, get place cards and table stuff, flowers and photographs. I was possibly the least picky bride anyone ever saw. My fiancé accompanied me to all of the steps. So, it really was our wedding.
I was delighted a couple of friends from my University days were going to come. One was my Maid of Honour. The other was a long time friend from University as well. Most of my family was not able to attend. It was quite a distance and not easy for travel. Getting married in Niagara Falls was actually quite exciting for me. I had liked living there, on the Canada side. We moved there for a time. I loved the multi-cultural aspects, the history, and the falls. I was happy with a small turn out for the wedding. Our pictures had everyone who attended…and you could still pick out people. We took my friends who had come for the wedding out for lunch before the wedding. There was a wait. It was a little panicking to try to get things done and make up and get to the wedding on time. I’m not sure who finally spoke up to the servers, but they suddenly were very quick to wait on the table. I remember seeing waiters and waitresses pointing and whispering. Thereafter, things went quickly and we were in and out. At least I wasn’t late for my own wedding. I think one of the waiters might have asked because some of the party were already dressed and I told them I was getting married…and when they asked, I gave them the time. It was a couple of hours away. I did my own makeup and hair. Never occurred to me anyone should do it for me.
So, it isn’t surprising that I’m confused by the nowadays Bridezillas who must control every aspect and find every offense. My Maid of Honour didn’t like a lot of frills, so I found a lovely dusty pink sort of dress with only one frill at the top. Luckily she liked it well enough I think she told me she wore it to another occasion. The other thing people don’t understand is the cost of wedding dresses. Were there $1,000+ dresses? I’m pretty sure there were. Mine was $50 and I think the Maid of Honour Dress was $40. I went to a store having a big sale. I got some flowers ordered for her hair. I knew that with a crown of flowers, she’d look like an angel. I knew her face form. I knew the dress would suit her. I wanted pink and blue for my colours. Our wedding wasn’t just about me; it wasn’t about flash and glamour. It wasn’t about money or what we could get. Our wedding was about us. It was about being happy. It was about sharing our day with people who were important to us.
I do have to admit to some panic. I think that it might be true of many introverts. A few weeks before the wedding, I had very real panic. Despite the old “Cold Feet” syndrome that they talk of, it was not cold feet. I literally wanted us to go elope…which would be the very antithesis of “cold feet”. The idea of a big thing that I had to be at the centre of left me uncomfortable. I would have happily eloped at that time. My husband to be, ever being practical and as my mother acknowledged was the only thing that kept me sailing off the earth and floating off in space, said that we had gone to an awful lot of trouble to go and elope at this late date. Maybe we should hold out and have the wedding. Sometimes he was more insistent about it than others. I was never going to be the runaway bride. The eloping one was a definite possibility…but after buying the dress and everything…
Despite a few hiccoughs, we did survive my anxiety, desire to elope and a few other challenges and the ceremony got completed. 37 years ago on July 16th. Every marriage has ups and downs. Every marriage has challenges. Some can be gotten past. I felt bad when my health started to become an issue. He had never signed up for that. Of course, the in sickness and health thing sounds good. In reality, it isn’t always easy. I wouldn’t trade in the last 37+ years. Every wedding has its strange stories. Some of them matter and some of them won’t. Hubby got some grease on his shirt in time for the wedding. They got a small beach ball and covered it in black tape and got some fake chain to have a ball and chain added to the car. It fell off and one of his little cousins ran out on a Niagara Falls road to fetch it. Thankfully we didn’t have a tragic accident there. I’m guessing nowadays the ball and chain gag would have resulted in some kind of marital mayhem. No one gave it a second thought then or if they did, kept it to themselves. But, then I come from a family that my father was spared a Chiveree also spelled Shiveree https://www.findmypast.com/blog/histo... because a relative put a stop to it. We knew about marriage having trials and tribulations. That might be the difference between now and then. I remember hearing the story some old family member talked to them and got them to stop. The other thing that might have set our marriage up differently was something I discovered during the course of getting the venue. We were forced to take a ‘marriage course’. During that, they had people fill out questionnaires and talk about things. I was somewhat confused about why this should be the centre of a course. I mean, we had talked about the important stuff. We actually knew each other pretty well by the time we decided to marry. But, it seemed that some were stumped by some of the questions. We sailed through the course and found it rather boring. Others I don’t know if they even married after taking that course. I would say, jumping into a relationship without knowing each other is a big detraction to a happy marriage. Knowing each other before jumping into things would result in far fewer unhappy marriages. It isn’t a show, it isn’t all glamour and sometimes it’s messy.
As Fawn Weaver is credited with saying, “The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.” It isn’t about the perfect wedding, it isn’t about the perfect bride, and it isn’t about perfect at all. It’s about real. I still have the Cabbage Patch ring and some rosettes from the wedding cake that I treasure. We got a small wedding ring when he got his bursary. Years later, there was a ring that I had loved when we were first looking. Found the same ring set at a second hand shop. It wasn’t about money; it was about something we had agreed that we would have liked to have had for our wedding. Love isn’t about money, titles, or anything else. There are different types of love and different ways of joining. It doesn’t matter which type as long as one remembers… Love is Love. Whether you agree with me or not, I hope it makes you think. Thanks for listening to my podcast and/or reading my blog post and thanks for your interest in A & J PEI Treasures! Keep watching because we’re always working on something. Thank you!
The podcast that matches this blog post can be found on Anchor FM: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
Blog Posts are available on
WordPress: https://aandjpeitreasures.wordpress.com/ and
GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
Podcast are available on:
Anchor FM in a variety of formats: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
iHeart Radio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-e-...
Podchaser: https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/e-... name a few
All my e-books can be found on:
Smashwords (my Affiliate link): https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
You can also find us on:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/EJS08026749
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5zp...
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ca/ej2466
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/e-j-s-151a...
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AndrewAandJP...
I told my husband that I had to somehow come up with a blog post topic to draft and use as my podcast. His first answer was … tell everyone how good your husband is to you. My first thought was this isn’t General Hospital…no one wants to hear about it. Then I thought…wait, there might be something with that thought. Then I realized it was going to be our 37th wedding anniversary on the 16th of July. It is one of the few days I do celebrate. When we got married in 1986, no one questioned that I would take his name. Not even me. No one questioned that I had a maid of honour and he had a best man. Things were simpler, or so it seemed. I never thought of having a male as part of my bridal party. That idea seems to have come out in the last while and I was frankly intrigued. I did have a friend I would have asked, whether he would have accepted or not is a different story. I had invited the one instructor from the College I attended after finding my BEd was not a way to find a viable job. The College instructor was the only one who seemed to care whether or not I picked up the skills. He was a lovely gentleman. I knew that they sniggered behind his back and made innuendo about his ‘lifestyle’ or his attraction to males. I never gave that a second thought and was so happy he agreed to come. I was honoured that he gifted me a simple bottle opener. I didn’t really feel he needed to bring anything…he had been one of my best teachers in the school. That was gift enough for me. We didn’t go around expecting huge gifts at any rate and just wanted to share our day. Most of those in attendance were trying to live in their means. The wedding was something that was joining of two people. Back then it was usually assumed that it was a man and a woman. As I say, things were simpler and yet more complicated. People didn’t think about something that was a fundamental part of people’s lives as being anything other than the one thing and the one way. There wasn’t an acknowledgement of different ways of joining or different types of marriage. Even in the 1980’s, there were the same assumptions that seem to take over now despite better education being available. The one thing I can say is that now there is some visibility and yet even in this, some groups want to deny, hide and even harm. Sometimes it feels like the further ahead we come, the further behind we keep getting. But I digress…
Back up to the proposal. We weren’t independently wealthy, I said yes to a Cabbage Patch ring, a flower drawn on cardboard taped to a straw. He drew out a fireplace as it was around the holidays. He burned at least one supper beyond recognition he was so nervous. He asked my father’s blessing. I am often confused and flabbergasted by the amount of detail and the need for the biggest and best and everything having to be perfect in order to get married. We had very little. We were living on student loans for the most part and so were a goodly proportion of family and friends. Hubby almost got tossed out of his program for low attendance as he tried a job and school. I finally got a job and we managed until he Graduated.
When it came to the whole enterprise, I had already finished my BEd by this time and could not find a job. How we ended up in Ontario was a little sketchy. I was supposed to attend my second degree in the fall, but all that changed. My boyfriend then (Husband now) decided that it would be better to find somewhere else to get his education. Choice was to follow or to let him go. University was not his thing. That was fair enough. It really isn’t for everyone. His course work at the College was simple to him and he did well enough. He had been placed in probably the worst course for his skill set at University. That aside, we were engaged and happy. We moved because grapes grew well. I didn’t say everything was exactly logical. The weather was supposed to be nice. As an aside, I found the lifestyle way too fast for my liking. Our one stop in Toronto was on the way to Niagara Falls and I nearly got run over by a bunch of ladies with carts. I wanted to leave within the half hour.
Nowadays, the wedding dress seems to cost as much as our first car...actually, I think our first car was somewhat less expensive than a wedding dress. I was going to use my mothers. Had started some changes, but she offered to get me a new dress. So, I went wedding dress shopping. I didn’t want to put my parents in the poor house for a wedding, so we shopped around a bit. Apologies to Say Yes to the Dress type shows…my husband came with me to shop. Yes, my fiancé actually helped me pick out my wedding dress much to the shock of some of the girls in the program I was finishing up. There was no guidance or little from the store. They sent me into the room with him and we found a dress. I liked it well enough. Done! My Maid of Honour was in another Province and we got her dress the same way. My parents and any family that would attend had to come halfway across Canada. I did have a few family members in the Province we were in. But, I was never into big group things. I don’t even remember much about the shopping for the wedding dress. I was probably the least self-centered bride there was. I knew there were things we had to do…get the cake picked, get the venue, get place cards and table stuff, flowers and photographs. I was possibly the least picky bride anyone ever saw. My fiancé accompanied me to all of the steps. So, it really was our wedding.
I was delighted a couple of friends from my University days were going to come. One was my Maid of Honour. The other was a long time friend from University as well. Most of my family was not able to attend. It was quite a distance and not easy for travel. Getting married in Niagara Falls was actually quite exciting for me. I had liked living there, on the Canada side. We moved there for a time. I loved the multi-cultural aspects, the history, and the falls. I was happy with a small turn out for the wedding. Our pictures had everyone who attended…and you could still pick out people. We took my friends who had come for the wedding out for lunch before the wedding. There was a wait. It was a little panicking to try to get things done and make up and get to the wedding on time. I’m not sure who finally spoke up to the servers, but they suddenly were very quick to wait on the table. I remember seeing waiters and waitresses pointing and whispering. Thereafter, things went quickly and we were in and out. At least I wasn’t late for my own wedding. I think one of the waiters might have asked because some of the party were already dressed and I told them I was getting married…and when they asked, I gave them the time. It was a couple of hours away. I did my own makeup and hair. Never occurred to me anyone should do it for me.
So, it isn’t surprising that I’m confused by the nowadays Bridezillas who must control every aspect and find every offense. My Maid of Honour didn’t like a lot of frills, so I found a lovely dusty pink sort of dress with only one frill at the top. Luckily she liked it well enough I think she told me she wore it to another occasion. The other thing people don’t understand is the cost of wedding dresses. Were there $1,000+ dresses? I’m pretty sure there were. Mine was $50 and I think the Maid of Honour Dress was $40. I went to a store having a big sale. I got some flowers ordered for her hair. I knew that with a crown of flowers, she’d look like an angel. I knew her face form. I knew the dress would suit her. I wanted pink and blue for my colours. Our wedding wasn’t just about me; it wasn’t about flash and glamour. It wasn’t about money or what we could get. Our wedding was about us. It was about being happy. It was about sharing our day with people who were important to us.
I do have to admit to some panic. I think that it might be true of many introverts. A few weeks before the wedding, I had very real panic. Despite the old “Cold Feet” syndrome that they talk of, it was not cold feet. I literally wanted us to go elope…which would be the very antithesis of “cold feet”. The idea of a big thing that I had to be at the centre of left me uncomfortable. I would have happily eloped at that time. My husband to be, ever being practical and as my mother acknowledged was the only thing that kept me sailing off the earth and floating off in space, said that we had gone to an awful lot of trouble to go and elope at this late date. Maybe we should hold out and have the wedding. Sometimes he was more insistent about it than others. I was never going to be the runaway bride. The eloping one was a definite possibility…but after buying the dress and everything…
Despite a few hiccoughs, we did survive my anxiety, desire to elope and a few other challenges and the ceremony got completed. 37 years ago on July 16th. Every marriage has ups and downs. Every marriage has challenges. Some can be gotten past. I felt bad when my health started to become an issue. He had never signed up for that. Of course, the in sickness and health thing sounds good. In reality, it isn’t always easy. I wouldn’t trade in the last 37+ years. Every wedding has its strange stories. Some of them matter and some of them won’t. Hubby got some grease on his shirt in time for the wedding. They got a small beach ball and covered it in black tape and got some fake chain to have a ball and chain added to the car. It fell off and one of his little cousins ran out on a Niagara Falls road to fetch it. Thankfully we didn’t have a tragic accident there. I’m guessing nowadays the ball and chain gag would have resulted in some kind of marital mayhem. No one gave it a second thought then or if they did, kept it to themselves. But, then I come from a family that my father was spared a Chiveree also spelled Shiveree https://www.findmypast.com/blog/histo... because a relative put a stop to it. We knew about marriage having trials and tribulations. That might be the difference between now and then. I remember hearing the story some old family member talked to them and got them to stop. The other thing that might have set our marriage up differently was something I discovered during the course of getting the venue. We were forced to take a ‘marriage course’. During that, they had people fill out questionnaires and talk about things. I was somewhat confused about why this should be the centre of a course. I mean, we had talked about the important stuff. We actually knew each other pretty well by the time we decided to marry. But, it seemed that some were stumped by some of the questions. We sailed through the course and found it rather boring. Others I don’t know if they even married after taking that course. I would say, jumping into a relationship without knowing each other is a big detraction to a happy marriage. Knowing each other before jumping into things would result in far fewer unhappy marriages. It isn’t a show, it isn’t all glamour and sometimes it’s messy.
As Fawn Weaver is credited with saying, “The greatest marriages are built on teamwork. A mutual respect, a healthy dose of admiration, and a never-ending portion of love and grace.” It isn’t about the perfect wedding, it isn’t about the perfect bride, and it isn’t about perfect at all. It’s about real. I still have the Cabbage Patch ring and some rosettes from the wedding cake that I treasure. We got a small wedding ring when he got his bursary. Years later, there was a ring that I had loved when we were first looking. Found the same ring set at a second hand shop. It wasn’t about money; it was about something we had agreed that we would have liked to have had for our wedding. Love isn’t about money, titles, or anything else. There are different types of love and different ways of joining. It doesn’t matter which type as long as one remembers… Love is Love. Whether you agree with me or not, I hope it makes you think. Thanks for listening to my podcast and/or reading my blog post and thanks for your interest in A & J PEI Treasures! Keep watching because we’re always working on something. Thank you!
The podcast that matches this blog post can be found on Anchor FM: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
Blog Posts are available on
WordPress: https://aandjpeitreasures.wordpress.com/ and
GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
Podcast are available on:
Anchor FM in a variety of formats: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
iHeart Radio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-e-...
Podchaser: https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/e-... name a few
All my e-books can be found on:
Smashwords (my Affiliate link): https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
You can also find us on:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/EJS08026749
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5zp...
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ca/ej2466
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/e-j-s-151a...
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AndrewAandJP...
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A & J PEI Treasures/E Jean Simpson, BEd, BA, MA
A & J PEI Treasures is located on Prince Edward Island, Canada. We are a husband and wife team and our companion animals. There are a number of things that drew us to the Island…one of which was the n
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