Spring 58: rest
My beloved Zann,
Ellewen’s poultices and other devices helped me some great. I lay in bed for a day, and felt so much better by the end of it. Sergeant Vasro’s guard-shift wheel sometimes gave days off, so it wasn’t like I hadn’t had any rest at all. But a sudden day where I couldn’t possibly be expected to do anything was specially pleasant, even with all the pain I knew was hiding underneath all the healing magic.
Wande couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw me, and couldn’t say anything. She kept starting and stopping, looking away from me and then back at me. I think she just couldn’t believe that anything like this could happen to me, and couldn’t think of what to do now that it had. I told her it was all right and she went into the other room.
When Jhus saw me with all my bandages and bruises, she glared at me and sighed loudly. Then she ignored me the way she usually does.
I had a lot of time to think about what I was doing. Ambe had shocked me with what she had said. She was right. Why did I want this, being a Rosolla Guard, to be an ordeal for myself? Why was I so committed to the Guard, to the point of risking my life?
They were hard questions. And then I thought of some answers, and they were even harder. Oh, Zann.
—
Wande came in just a minute ago and lay down next to me. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“Sorry? Why, what for?”
“Because somebody thrashed you and I wasn’t there to help you or to comfort you. I don’t even know who to stab.”
I stroked her hair. “Nobody’s getting stabbed. We’ll handle it another way. It’s my fault for not being strong enough.”
“No. Don’t… I don’t do enough for you. You don’t ask enough of me. It shouldn’t be good enough that I’m just here.”
I knew what she meant. Acea… well. “We can both try harder,” I said. “You and I always knew it would be strange for us to pair. But it’s good. We’re still trying.”
I felt her nod against my shoulder. “How about I bring you a cheesefry? You haven’t eaten recently.”
“I’d like that.”
And she did. And it was good.
Love,
Ybel
