On the Innumerable Failings in this World
Well, today has been a difficult one.
A very dear friend and I had a conversation this morning on trauma and healing and the many ways in which that healing can be fueled or stifled. I won’t go into the particulars because it’s not for me to tell that story, but suffice to say, it has drudged up a lot of my own feelings about my past. Specifically, about religion and the ways in which the religious people around me either ignored or denied the trauma they caused and perpetuated.
This is related to my writing in big ways because, at their core, my books focus on trauma and its long-term effects on not only the mind and heart, but on the body as well. And these things, in turn, impact every relationship we have. Too many people in my life have ignored and avoided healing from their own trauma. People who, on the surface, acknowledge that we are all accountable for the things we do and say and the impact we have on others, but deep down will not acknowledge the very real negative impact they have on others. It’s all platitudes until it’s time for them to take accountability.
The result? Fractured friendships. If not outright ended friendships. Because the people who choose to heal no longer want to stay in a personal connection where they are taken advantage of, mistreated, mislead, and misused. And when someone doesn’t want to take accountability for the impact they have on others, there can be no salvaging the connection. Emotional abuse doesn’t always look the same from person to person, but its effects are deep and painful.
My characters face trauma. My characters suffer loss and grief. And my characters face consequences of their actions, and they learn how to heal. Even through the anger. Even through the confusion and the doubt and the uncertainty. Because the truth is that trauma always exacts a price. Avoiding it doesn’t make it go away. Ignoring it doesn’t heal the wounds. And when those wounds fester, they absolutely get projected onto other people.
Writing is a form of healing, and often it can be what gives us space to be our most authentic selves. My books reimagine fairytales, takes things like monarchy, patriarchy, gender, sexuality, and infuse them with the magic of fairytales to make finer points about corruption, trauma, personal accountability, and the ways in which people contribute to the very systems built to oppress and marginalize them. There are very poignant and emotional messages in my books that are surrounded by the fantastic and the incredible, but the messages are still there. They still breathe.
Because these things are important to examine. What does it mean when we project our insecurities onto others? What happens when we expect other people to fight our battles for us? What is the outcome of a relationship built on platitudes but lacks the substance of real, mutual accountability?
My books seek to answer these questions. My characters face these challenges. Do they overcome them? Do they learn? Or do they face more loss?
I’m angry today. I’m tired and I’m depressed and I hate that the world is what it is. But maybe through my writing I can change something for the better?
My debut novel comes out in 8 days.
