Things I’d rather…

This is a non-exhaustive list of things I’d rather vote for in 2024 than Donald Trump for President of the United States:

1. Revoking American independence and ceding the country back to the United Kingdom.

2.  Abolishing the office of President and creating a cabinet government.

3. Mandatory gender-neutral high heels.

4. Changing the national anthem to The Devil Went Down to Georgia.

5. A law specifically requiring me and me only to burn my books.

6. Syphilis for everyone!

7. Every home with more than ½ acre of open land must maintain 6 chickens or 2 goats.

8. All pizza must be made with only mushrooms and anchovies.

9. Henceforth, no gin may be imported to the United States or its territories and dependencies.

Like I said, the list is certainly not exhaustive, but should serve well enough for illustrative purposes. 

Hey, I was there with you in 2016. I didn’t love the guy as a candidate, but assumed that the trappings of the office would smooth off some of his rougher edges – that he’d feel the weight of the office and 227 years of precedent and that would constrain his worst impulses. I was wrong.

His particular brand of poison can’t be allowed to continue spreading through the body politic. There’s not a power on earth or in heaven that could compel me to vote for the twice impeached, now federally indicted and arraigned ex-television host-in-chief.