Is it Possible?
Hi and Welcome to the A & J PEI Treasures E Jean Simpson Author Blog Post and Podcast. I’m your host, Jean coming to you from the beautiful Province of Prince Edward Island, Canada!! The blog post and podcast is an opinion piece and only reflects this author’s opinion and not that of any other entity. I hold no designations in politics, economics or medicine. I am retired from the mental health field. I am a humanitarian and speak from that viewpoint only. Whether you agree with me or not, at least I hope it makes you think. This week I look at what is possible in life. If you want to find out more, then stay tuned…!
People often talk about others as though they will always be how they are or were. They don’t take into account life happens and things happen and sometimes people fall into the cycle of abuse, misuse, drugs and mental health issues. Does this happen, do people get stuck in these cycles? Yes, they do. It happens every day. On the other hand, there are also people who managed to pull themselves out of it. They manage to break free of the cycles of abuse, addiction and free themselves from the past. They are never truly free of the past because it is always there. They choose to put one foot in front of the other and continue to walk forward in healthy and productive ways. It can and does happen. Getting stuck in blame game, guilt and finger pointing doesn’t change the past. Taking revenge on others doesn’t reduce the pain. Nothing will change the past. We have yet to invent a method of going back and changing the past. There are whole franchises that address this particular idea and still fantasy. So many things happened there. Some of them need to be left there. It is OK to explore the past, to learn from the past, but you cannot live in the past. History is something to be learned from. There are historical re-enactments…but this is not actual reliving of history. This is showing how history came to pass from the viewpoint of present day people. They are watching the past with new eyes.
The problem with living in the past is that it doesn’t allow one to experience the present and you get stuck with no definite future. In the meantime, collateral damage is being created. What I mean by collateral damage is that other people are being damaged in some way or another if they are close to you. You can stay stuck in guilt. You can stay stuck in recrimination. You can stay stuck in blame. You can continue to create hurt and damage. This is the cycle that needs to be broken. Can you repair everything that is created out of this? Now here is the tricky part. Until you fix what is broken inside of you, you cannot fix what has been broken outside of you. Distrust, insecurity, and the pain inflicted still remain. This may or may never ultimately get fixed. Here’s the important thing about breaking the cycle that the addictions, mental health issues, or general negative actions have taken. The only place you can move, if you want a chance to make your life right and make a better future is forward. If you stay stuck, you will continue to increase the damage. Some things you may or may never fix. However, if you fix what is wrong in your life, if you continue to move ahead and if you find positive ways to move ahead, then on a daily basis, you will prove yourself. Changing into who you are meant to be will prove your commitment to being a better you. It may take time and some may never accept it and that is something you must also face. You will prove that you will be who you are intended to be. You will improve on who you are. The only real pay it forward thing you can do is to become an example of moving forward. You can be an example of how people can move forward. You can be an example of how it is possible to end and break negative cycles. This is the biggest pay it forward and the highest level of attainment available. I can see where this did happen, where people did improve their lives and despite notoriety worked back from the brink and prove themselves daily…every day of sobriety, every day of having control over their lives is proof. I can point out a few celebrities that made it. You say it was just because they had money. Some of them lost everything to a drug habit. They literally lost money, status, and freedom. They literally did time in jail. It isn’t money that brought them back from the brink. That’s what brought them there. It is someone believed enough in them and made sure they got proper support. They took responsibility for what they did. They took treatment. They took their lives one step at a time and learned to live with what they did and move forward. Just like anyone else would…one step at a time. They had nothing left to lose and built themselves back up. Money will be as nothing if you don’t have good supports, treatment and take things one day at a time.
Now, the sticking point is not an easy thing to deal with. There are some suggestions on how to move forward. https://www.lifehack.org/816187/movin.... The article talks about such things as let go of what is not working and figuring out why you are stuck. I won’t go in depth into the article, but it does have a few suggestions that sound useful. Of course, the most important thing about the whole enterprise is that you first have to actually recognize that you are stuck. Sometimes that is the hardest step. The same with addictions, the hardest step is admitting you have a problem. The next hardest part is actually doing something about it. It isn’t easy after that, but it is the first and most important steps. Breaking the cycle is hard, but not impossible. Making changes for anyone else will not do it. The changes you make have to be made for you or they will not have lasting impact. As Glennon Doyle Melton points out: “We need to make friends with ourselves. We are stuck with our self all day, so let's be kinder, gentler, more amusing company. Let's take our own hand and say, 'There, there, sister. You're doing a good job. I'm proud of how you're handling all this craziness down here. Don't give up. Carry on, warrior.'” Of course this is a quote using gender specific language but it holds true of all gender identities. To be blunt, we need to show selfishness in our healing journey by making these changes for ourselves. Making changes for anything or anyone else may not last. It might work in the movies or in TV shows, but seldom results in real lasting change. Support is also a key component in healing. Sometimes when the chips are down, you have to be your own friend and let everything else fall away until you are able to stand up by yourself.
Often, people on a destructive path seem to act as though they were on the road to revenge and continue creating harm as though they don’t understand that what they are doing is not going to fix the problem. As Lewis B Smedes was credited with saying, “The problem with revenge is that it never evens the score. It ties both the injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain. Both are stuck on the escalator as long as parity is demanded, and the escalator never stops.” It is like trying to fill a deep hole of agony. It never fills. It never ends. You can’t fill it with alcohol, drugs or pain of others as it never fills. They fill it with harmful things; they fill it with drugs, drinking and other addictions. Whether it is true vengeance or just lashing out in an attempt to reduce the pain it just realistically doesn’t work. It just keeps the cycle going. It creates more pain. It creates more damage. This is the main problem with the cycle of alcoholism, family abuse, social abuse, addictions and all such negative cycles. It never ends until the person decides to end it. The person needs to decide that they have had enough pain and created enough pain. So, when is this? In the literature it is often called rock bottom. The person hits rock bottom. They find that either people stop enabling the behaviour or they are jailed or enter therapy or recovery programs or people just stop being there. So, in this way, it seems, the main obstacle to living ones’ best life, in all these cases is actually the person forgetting to be their own best friend. I do not blame the person having trouble here, but rather point out that there is a primary relationship that one must develop with themselves in order to become a healthy whole. Without this one important relationship, you don’t understand your effects on others or the pain caused.
There are articles that deal with self healing. https://uhs.umich.edu/tenthings is just one. It is possible to heal. It is possible to move forward. Many of the articles out there start with focusing on the relationship with yourself. Some focus on the relationship between you and a higher power. Many people avoid that relationship with themselves at all costs. They try to fill time being someone else. The relationship with oneself involves a certain amount of honesty which is often difficult and uncomfortable. It is perhaps the most important relationship to develop and the one that we work least on. We spend so much of our lives caring what others think. Spending time on impressing others rather than spending time getting to know ourselves and understanding where we are coming from. I end with this old Anonymous quote, “The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased. It can only be accepted.” Yes, it is possible to go back to experiencing joy in life. It’s a hard path. It’s a painful path and yet, it is also a beautiful path. Whether you agree with me or not, I hope I made you think. So, is it possible…yes, most things are possible as long as one lives anything is possible. It is up to us whether to make it a reality. Pushing people past their limits and trying to be more than you are only results in alienation both from others and yourself. Thanks for listening to my podcast and/or reading my blog post and thanks for your interest in A & J PEI Treasures! Keep watching because we’re always working on something. Thank you!
The podcast that matches this blog post can be found on Anchor FM: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
Blog Posts are available on
WordPress: https://aandjpeitreasures.wordpress.com/ and
GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
Podcast are available on:
Anchor FM in a variety of formats: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
iHeart Radio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-e-...
Podchaser: https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/e-... name a few
All my e-books can be found on:
Smashwords (my Affiliate link): https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
You can also find us on:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/EJS08026749
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5zp...
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ca/ej2466
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/e-j-s-151a...
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AndrewAandJP...
Photo, write up and caption as on WordPress:
Welcome to the A & J PEI Treasures E Jean Simpson author podcast and blog post. This week I look at possibilities and breaking cycles. If you want to find out more, then stay tuned…!
Photo daisies all different and some dandelions. One daisy has a bee in it. Petals most in disarray.
Caption: Just as with field flowers, not every one is perfectly formed and yet they still have beauty and sustain life.
People often talk about others as though they will always be how they are or were. They don’t take into account life happens and things happen and sometimes people fall into the cycle of abuse, misuse, drugs and mental health issues. Does this happen, do people get stuck in these cycles? Yes, they do. It happens every day. On the other hand, there are also people who managed to pull themselves out of it. They manage to break free of the cycles of abuse, addiction and free themselves from the past. They are never truly free of the past because it is always there. They choose to put one foot in front of the other and continue to walk forward in healthy and productive ways. It can and does happen. Getting stuck in blame game, guilt and finger pointing doesn’t change the past. Taking revenge on others doesn’t reduce the pain. Nothing will change the past. We have yet to invent a method of going back and changing the past. There are whole franchises that address this particular idea and still fantasy. So many things happened there. Some of them need to be left there. It is OK to explore the past, to learn from the past, but you cannot live in the past. History is something to be learned from. There are historical re-enactments…but this is not actual reliving of history. This is showing how history came to pass from the viewpoint of present day people. They are watching the past with new eyes.
The problem with living in the past is that it doesn’t allow one to experience the present and you get stuck with no definite future. In the meantime, collateral damage is being created. What I mean by collateral damage is that other people are being damaged in some way or another if they are close to you. You can stay stuck in guilt. You can stay stuck in recrimination. You can stay stuck in blame. You can continue to create hurt and damage. This is the cycle that needs to be broken. Can you repair everything that is created out of this? Now here is the tricky part. Until you fix what is broken inside of you, you cannot fix what has been broken outside of you. Distrust, insecurity, and the pain inflicted still remain. This may or may never ultimately get fixed. Here’s the important thing about breaking the cycle that the addictions, mental health issues, or general negative actions have taken. The only place you can move, if you want a chance to make your life right and make a better future is forward. If you stay stuck, you will continue to increase the damage. Some things you may or may never fix. However, if you fix what is wrong in your life, if you continue to move ahead and if you find positive ways to move ahead, then on a daily basis, you will prove yourself. Changing into who you are meant to be will prove your commitment to being a better you. It may take time and some may never accept it and that is something you must also face. You will prove that you will be who you are intended to be. You will improve on who you are. The only real pay it forward thing you can do is to become an example of moving forward. You can be an example of how people can move forward. You can be an example of how it is possible to end and break negative cycles. This is the biggest pay it forward and the highest level of attainment available. I can see where this did happen, where people did improve their lives and despite notoriety worked back from the brink and prove themselves daily…every day of sobriety, every day of having control over their lives is proof. I can point out a few celebrities that made it. You say it was just because they had money. Some of them lost everything to a drug habit. They literally lost money, status, and freedom. They literally did time in jail. It isn’t money that brought them back from the brink. That’s what brought them there. It is someone believed enough in them and made sure they got proper support. They took responsibility for what they did. They took treatment. They took their lives one step at a time and learned to live with what they did and move forward. Just like anyone else would…one step at a time. They had nothing left to lose and built themselves back up. Money will be as nothing if you don’t have good supports, treatment and take things one day at a time.
Now, the sticking point is not an easy thing to deal with. There are some suggestions on how to move forward. https://www.lifehack.org/816187/movin.... The article talks about such things as let go of what is not working and figuring out why you are stuck. I won’t go in depth into the article, but it does have a few suggestions that sound useful. Of course, the most important thing about the whole enterprise is that you first have to actually recognize that you are stuck. Sometimes that is the hardest step. The same with addictions, the hardest step is admitting you have a problem. The next hardest part is actually doing something about it. It isn’t easy after that, but it is the first and most important steps. Breaking the cycle is hard, but not impossible. Making changes for anyone else will not do it. The changes you make have to be made for you or they will not have lasting impact. As Glennon Doyle Melton points out: “We need to make friends with ourselves. We are stuck with our self all day, so let's be kinder, gentler, more amusing company. Let's take our own hand and say, 'There, there, sister. You're doing a good job. I'm proud of how you're handling all this craziness down here. Don't give up. Carry on, warrior.'” Of course this is a quote using gender specific language but it holds true of all gender identities. To be blunt, we need to show selfishness in our healing journey by making these changes for ourselves. Making changes for anything or anyone else may not last. It might work in the movies or in TV shows, but seldom results in real lasting change. Support is also a key component in healing. Sometimes when the chips are down, you have to be your own friend and let everything else fall away until you are able to stand up by yourself.
Often, people on a destructive path seem to act as though they were on the road to revenge and continue creating harm as though they don’t understand that what they are doing is not going to fix the problem. As Lewis B Smedes was credited with saying, “The problem with revenge is that it never evens the score. It ties both the injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain. Both are stuck on the escalator as long as parity is demanded, and the escalator never stops.” It is like trying to fill a deep hole of agony. It never fills. It never ends. You can’t fill it with alcohol, drugs or pain of others as it never fills. They fill it with harmful things; they fill it with drugs, drinking and other addictions. Whether it is true vengeance or just lashing out in an attempt to reduce the pain it just realistically doesn’t work. It just keeps the cycle going. It creates more pain. It creates more damage. This is the main problem with the cycle of alcoholism, family abuse, social abuse, addictions and all such negative cycles. It never ends until the person decides to end it. The person needs to decide that they have had enough pain and created enough pain. So, when is this? In the literature it is often called rock bottom. The person hits rock bottom. They find that either people stop enabling the behaviour or they are jailed or enter therapy or recovery programs or people just stop being there. So, in this way, it seems, the main obstacle to living ones’ best life, in all these cases is actually the person forgetting to be their own best friend. I do not blame the person having trouble here, but rather point out that there is a primary relationship that one must develop with themselves in order to become a healthy whole. Without this one important relationship, you don’t understand your effects on others or the pain caused.
There are articles that deal with self healing. https://uhs.umich.edu/tenthings is just one. It is possible to heal. It is possible to move forward. Many of the articles out there start with focusing on the relationship with yourself. Some focus on the relationship between you and a higher power. Many people avoid that relationship with themselves at all costs. They try to fill time being someone else. The relationship with oneself involves a certain amount of honesty which is often difficult and uncomfortable. It is perhaps the most important relationship to develop and the one that we work least on. We spend so much of our lives caring what others think. Spending time on impressing others rather than spending time getting to know ourselves and understanding where we are coming from. I end with this old Anonymous quote, “The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited, or erased. It can only be accepted.” Yes, it is possible to go back to experiencing joy in life. It’s a hard path. It’s a painful path and yet, it is also a beautiful path. Whether you agree with me or not, I hope I made you think. So, is it possible…yes, most things are possible as long as one lives anything is possible. It is up to us whether to make it a reality. Pushing people past their limits and trying to be more than you are only results in alienation both from others and yourself. Thanks for listening to my podcast and/or reading my blog post and thanks for your interest in A & J PEI Treasures! Keep watching because we’re always working on something. Thank you!
The podcast that matches this blog post can be found on Anchor FM: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
Blog Posts are available on
WordPress: https://aandjpeitreasures.wordpress.com/ and
GoodReads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
Podcast are available on:
Anchor FM in a variety of formats: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/sh...
iHeart Radio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-e-...
Podchaser: https://www.podchaser.com/podcasts/e-... name a few
All my e-books can be found on:
Smashwords (my Affiliate link): https://www.smashwords.com/profile/vi...
You can also find us on:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/EJS08026749
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5zp...
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.ca/ej2466
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/e-j-s-151a...
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AndrewAandJP...
Photo, write up and caption as on WordPress:
Welcome to the A & J PEI Treasures E Jean Simpson author podcast and blog post. This week I look at possibilities and breaking cycles. If you want to find out more, then stay tuned…!
Photo daisies all different and some dandelions. One daisy has a bee in it. Petals most in disarray.
Caption: Just as with field flowers, not every one is perfectly formed and yet they still have beauty and sustain life.
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A & J PEI Treasures/E Jean Simpson, BEd, BA, MA
A & J PEI Treasures is located on Prince Edward Island, Canada. We are a husband and wife team and our companion animals. There are a number of things that drew us to the Island…one of which was the n
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