RAINN WILSON AND STRANGE FATE

A few days ago I went to the Strand Theater to see Rainn Wilson -- best known as Dwight on THE OFFICE -- give a talk on his new book, Soul Boom: Why We Need A Spiritual Revolution. I don't often use the word "delightful" but it was a delightful experience. In person, Wilson is everything you hoped he would be: funny, articulate, offbeat, and down to earth. The hour he was on stage went by in a flash, and when I spoke briefly with him afterwards, I was struck by the earnestness with which he insisted that I actually read the copy of the book I had been given as part of my "meet and greet" ticket package. I replied that I would not only read the book, I would review it, which is the highest compliment an author can recieve: being an author myself (on a much lower level, of course), I know this to be true. Wilson had many others to "meet and greet," but I think this remark affected him, if only momentarily. He's a wealthy man, and a successful one in ways that have nothing to do with wealth, but he values things that matter, and a sincere remark is tough to come by in the acting world.

When I first arrived in La La Land, I lived in Sherman Oaks, on the very edge of Van Nuys, where they were shooting THE OFFICE, and over the course of the first few years I lived there, I ran into B.J. Novak (Ryan), Mindy Kaling (Kelly) and Katherine Flannery (Meredith) on the street. I'm pretty sure I spotted Brian Baumgartner (Kevin), too -- on a donut line, no less. However, I never ran into, or even glimpsed, Rainn Wilson, who played the infamous Dwight Shrute. It was a small sore point with me. I admired his acting, and wanted to tell him so, even if it violated the "L.A. Code" of never stepping to famous people when you randomly encountered them. If you'd told me then that I would have to quit Los Angeles and move 3,000 miles away to a modest Pennsylvania town to encounter him at last, I'd have laughed in your face (at very least, I'd have laughed after you left the room). But that's what went down, strange as it was. Like the ancient saying goes, you often encounter your destiny on the road you take to avoid it.

I mention this because as I get older (and older still), I realize that while it is necessary and often wonderful to have life plans and long-term strategies, Moltke was right when he said that no plan survives first contact with the enemy. Man proposes, but God disposes. Sometimes the very act of letting go of a dream is sufficient to make the dream come true, just as the very act of pursuing a goal -- or a person -- can drive it away. I'm no expert on Eastern philosophy (or Western philosophy, for that matter), but I do agree with Bruce Lee when he said that "the greatest hindrance to the execution of all physical action is knowledge of the self." The more self-aware, the more self-conscious, we are, the harder it is to do anything of a physical nature. But when we are in "the Zone," in a Zen state, conscious but unconscious, just acting without thinking, just being we are often flawless. It is ironic and paradoxical at the same time. Humans are marked and defined by their brains, their self-awareness, but they are also inhibited by them. We get in our own way. All of our elaborate plans and schemes and our intrigues and plots often obscure the simple necessity of letting go from time to time: of simply allowing life to happen, and bring us what it will.

When I was in "Hollywood," meaning both town and industry, I was too caught up in the frantic struggle to "make good" to ever truly relax and open myself up to the random opportunities that often float silently past us down life's curious currents. I don't like to think about what I missed while I was busy trying so hard to catch, but I think a lot about the moments I failed to enjoy to their fullest because I was trying too hard to exploit them rather than simply enjoy them. On the other hand, now that I'm out of the circus, I take enormous pleasure, even relish, in moments like this -- moments where I meet someone I admire, and have no other agenda than telling them that I admire them. The shift was not intentional on my part, it involved no discipline or brains or courage, it happened organically on its own: nevertheless, I reap the benefits by being fully present, fully appreciative, fully in the moment. For obvious reasons, I do not have as many moments like these as I used to, not being at the epicenter of all entertainment, but I take greater enjoyment in the ones I do experience.

Like everyone else, I've zero idea what the future holds in store. I make my plans, and I harbor my hopes, but I am keenly aware that Fate is going to do with me exactly as it pleases no matter how many reservations I make. This prosaic epiphany (right up there with discovering water is wet) has allowed me to surrender some of the egotistical desire I had for total control over my own life. It has also allowed me to realize just how much of the suffering I endured between 2017 - 2020 was self-inflicted -- a direct effect of attempting a completely hopeless task. The more I tried to bring order, the more chaos I experienced. Had I been able to relax, to forget myself and ride the waves...but that water is very much under the dam. All I can say is the lesson did sink in, and I hope it stays, well, sunk.

I am now reading Wilson's book, which describes the spiritual journey he has made which allowed him to overcome anxiety, depression and existential dread and lead a more fulfilled, creative, and enjoyable life. I am hopeful that it will help me in my own quest to find more satisfaction and less strife in my existence, but amuses me greatly to think that this book is in my hands only because I ran into Rainn on the 3,000-mile road that I took to avoid him.