Feminism is a lie and I help you figure out what to do about that
If you are new here, welcome! Let me just give you a big-picture view!
More and more women are waking up to the enormity of the far-reaching feminist lies we were told, in most cases because our mothers and even grandmothers were told and believed them. From TikTok posters (not that you should go there) to academic writers, despite the rigid lockdown of the truth, the word is getting out.
Here on Like Mother, Like Daughter, you will find my approach. I am not as interested in delving into what those lies are (though I will do that, but like all evil, there is no end to the multiplicity and we have a limited amount of time, and a job to do) as in recovering the collective memory so that we can make things better, especially by ensuring the education of our children, for which the mother is indispensable.
It’s not enough even to demonstrate that we’ve been lied to, or to explain it all, though it is a necessary, if insufficient, beginning, for we need to know where we are.
No — we have to know what to do about it. And sadly, most women are not equipped, and easily fall back into the false world of feminism when they get undermined by their own lack of competence.
Men are governed by their thumos, as described by ancient philosophy: it’s an essential part of the male nature. Thumos isn’t a virtue, but it is the property of spiritedness that enables a man to dash out and accomplish a large or small, heroic or ridiculous, task — or die trying; but not necessarily think too much about it in the process.
Some women are spirited, but not in the same way, and most are not, which is not a bad thing, not at all. Our essential nature is inward-directed, and though we are not always given credit for logic, we do tend to over-think.
That means that even when convinced of a truth, we experience fear and doubt and easily succumb to the voices, interior and exterior, that tell us we can’t succeed.
In the case of feminism, women have trouble extricating ourselves for a simple reason: we don’t know what to do if we aren’t out there conflicting with men, earning our own keep, and competing for some undefined “excellence.”
At the same time, those women who are spirited (and I count myself as one), chafe at the idea of relinquishing a fight, particularly when men seem to be doing such a bad job of things. But even these spirited women will take up the challenge of answering the call to raise up the new generation and bring beauty into the world, one home at a time — yet they are afraid as well, afraid of losing their chance, afraid that men will, once again, let them down.
That’s where I come in.
I already said that it’s all a lie. And have been saying it for quite a while now. The way out of the world of that lie, I believe, simply must be undertaken despite all our fears; but, I admit, it is a long process complicated by certain stark realities in the form of small children, unwashed dishes, piles of laundry, and other sundry accusations of a life possibly wasted and all the wrong choices made.
But remember — every activity has its drudgery, and cleaning the occasional toilet is a small matter, in my opinion, compared with mandatory meetings with bored functionaries, rigid schedules incompatible with our hormonal vicissitudes, and a stressful, conflict-oriented battle not suited to our sex and harmful to our relationships, with children as the victims.
I have a systematic approach to all this. I did write it all up into a three-volume book set called The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life, but you will also find it right here (somewhat organized in the menu bar, a “reasonably neat and tidy” but by no means professionally arranged resource).
Your adventure of devotion to home, as you awaken to an entirely new way of thinking, starts in the most mundane way possible: with knowing what is for supper, the unheralded key to getting all the other things done and not feeling like a total failure; tackling the laundry so that it doesn’t overwhelm you ever again (well, until the stomach bug hits, which it will even if you are the CEO of a major corporation), and keeping your home in order, without going crazy, even with lots of kids.
Simultaneously, it starts with beauty in the form of a little oratory where everyone’s eye is drawn to what is important, to the window opening to what is beyond, and custody of the rhythms of the year.
It starts with relinquishing conflict-mode and embracing the hierarchical universe, where the ordered ranks make it possible for the virtuous peacemaker to shine like a star. In this vision, there is ample room for creativity, intimacy, and personality in the unique constellation of your family. Complementarity is the real freedom and the reward that offers the paradox of a “truly regal throne.”
I even tell you that the biggest lie is that children are the enemy, and how to raise a numerous family on one income — and love it!
Order and wonder, that’s the key. That’s what the woman of the house provides. That’s the grand, humble, and soul-satisfying role that I alone, like Job, but with an apron, am left to tell you.
Book Corner
I want to mention two books that, each in its own way, tackle the current totalitarian danger, enabled by feminism, pressing down upon us.
Peter Kwasniewski’s Treasuring the Good of Marriage in a Throwaway Society will help readers go deep in thinking about marriage, one of the three “societies” that make up our human existence here on earth (the other two being the Church and the state), and thus a target for relentless and devastating attack.
He considers every aspect, from the loftiest reflections on the Trinity to practical recommendations for rectifying the wedding day of today from sinking into a busy deflection from reverence.
As always, Peter combines readability with the most precise theological explication. He does not hesitate to tackle the political landscape, effects of social media, and modernist errors. But the reader gains from him eternal wisdom handed down from the Church’s treasure, as he brings his Thomistic understanding to the most delicate subjects.
I highly recommend this book to parents and pastors who are preparing young people for marriage, as well as for anyone who writes on the topic of marriage and/or has anything to do with teaching it. Married persons will gain a lot of insight from this book and can use it as spiritual direction for bringing their own marriage into right order with God’s intent.
Longtime readers know how insightful I find Stella Morabito. She has a new book that examines the particular tools and strategies used by totalitarians, especially loneliness, and I highly recommend it before the next lockdown hits.
The Weaponization of Loneliness (affiliate link) collects Stella’s myriad thoughts and observations based on wide reading and research on the subject of how societies succumb to the loss of freedom. We need to be reminded, or encounter for the first time, that there are forces of evil that want to divide us. They do this by isolating us and even forbidding us from talking about things that matter. They take away our intimate places — like the home! And they incite the mob against us.
We have to understand all this so that we can identify these attacks when they occur, fight against them, and be ready even when things seem less urgent. To that end, women more than ever are needed at home, in the family, nurturing the bonds that keep us together and free.
Pattern Language Corner
I’m still thinking and planning my kitchen renovation. When I had mentioned it before, I said I would pop in the occasional Pattern for your consideration.
Pattern 192: Windows Overlooking Life. . . . this pattern helps to complete the earlier patterns which give each room its shape: Light on Two Sides of Every Room (159), Ceiling Height Variety (190), and The Shape of Indoor Space (191). Once these patterns are clear, this pattern helps to place the windows rather more precisely in the walls. It defines just how many windows there should be, how far apart, and what their total area should be. (Go here for the full Pattern.)
The authors wisely suggest “that you go around the town where you live, and choose half a dozen rooms in which you really like the light. In each case, measure the window areas as a percentage of the floor area, then take the average of the different percentages.
I like this idea of making new friends! “Hello, may we come measure your windows relative to your floors… ”
Knitting Corner
I got my lace-weight yarn and am currently swatching for the project mentioned here. The color is a close match and when combined with it, makes the Lopi deeper and brighter, I think.
Thoughts and prayers for getting gauge or otherwise figuring things out…
The swatch on the left is partly done with that random lace I had in my stash and partly with the Lopi alone. The one on the right is the new lace held with the Lopi, in two needle sizes (still not up to the right tension, so I may regroup). I love how it is now.
Bread Corner
A quick tip (in my series of bread baking tips, follow the tag bread corner)!
Instead of flouring everything in handling the dough, as traditionally recommend in yeast recipes, I have better success wetting my hands and the counter or bowl.
First, the water keeps the dough from sticking, and second, water helps strengthen dough, in a technique called bassinage.
The traditional way to do bassinage would be to hold some water back in the mixing and add it in towards the end of the strengthening process, before you allow the dough to rise. But I find that even the small amount of water on my hands contributes to the gluten structure as I handle the dough, and I don’t worry about getting technical about actual amounts, though if my dough seems not hydrated enough, I will add enough to make a difference. But in this case, I’m just talking about wetting my hands to do anything at all, like get the dough out of the bowl and on to the counter, or do the coil folds, and so on.
Let’s go on to our links!
bits & piecesI always encourage you to make music a part of the curriculum. Here’s an explanation of the circle of fifths if you have someone studying that interesting subject. More curriculum fodder (and so closely related to music): Architecture for children — you can view this older book here and purchase it here. Ilove how these older textbooks hadn’t yet gotten the memo that they should make things as boring as possible… it’s almost like they think of children as lively and able to be delighted!Fr. Robert McTeigue, SJ, had me on to his podcast, where we had a lively discussion in which we did not say 99% of what was on our minds, yet still managed to cover a lot of ground. The topic is related to the question, “May I attend the wedding,” that so many of us face these days.C. S. Lewis’s Last Written Word: We Have No Right to Happinessfrom the archives
Well, lots of links above, taking you to so many older posts!
But don’t miss my review/overview of Christopher Alexander’s A Pattern Language.Ask Auntie Leila: My Husband Adds to the Mess. I saw someone recommend putting baskets in the closet for those items that one can’t decide whether to throw in the hamper or put away, and I am horrified. That completely will not work for the person (like me and like the husband in this post) for whom every article of clothing he has touched is subject to this difficulty.liturgical living
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My book, The Summa Domestica: Order and Wonder in Family Life is available now from Sophia Press! All the thoughts from this blog collected into three volumes, beautifully presented with illustrations from Deirdre, an index in each volume, and ribbons!
My “random thoughts no pictures” blog, Happy Despite Them — receive it by email if you like, or bookmark, so you don’t miss a thing!
My new podcast can be found on the Restoration of Christian Culture website (and you can find it where you listen to such things) — be sure to check out the other offerings there!
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