Conversations with My Cat

 

Friends,it has been over a month since I posted here. Usually, my absence from the blogmeans that I am sad or ruminating or preoccupied with mental health challenges.Not this time. This time it has been because I have been giddily happy—surprised,amazed, and tearfully grateful for what the Universe has recently brought intomy life—all of which will, eventually, be expressed in words in this space (ifI can find sufficient words to capture those feelings).

Inthe meantime, we interrupt these (mostly) serious posts regarding social justice,women’s rights, suicide prevention, and nature walks to bring you:

Conversationswith My Cat

Ihave recently been told that Jenny the Cat is “squishy cute.” I cannotdisagree. It has also been suggested (though not by the same person) that, no,not everyone has conversations with their pets the way I do. How can this be?If your cat speaks to you, do you not answer in kind? If your dog questionsyour punctuality in doling out dinner or treats, do you not offer some lameexcuse regarding “the next commercial” or “Hang on! I’m not ready to get up outof this chair yet”? Indeed you do. I do concede, your conversations may not beas in depth as mine…. But see for yourself. Below is a composite of atypical day in conversation with Jenny.

4:30a.m.

Jenny:Mom! Mom! Wake up time? Wake up time?

Me:Jen, come here. Get on the bed. Let’s cuddle. Your boy is still sleeping.

[Mostnights, Jenny prefers to sleep in the guest room, not on the bed with me. Don’task me why (and don’t suggest that I snore). She also mirrors the movements ofThomas. If he gets up, she does. If he sleeps longer, she will wait on my beduntil he gets up before venturing out to the kitchen. Silly girl.]

Jenny:RRRrrrRRRrrrRRRrrrRRRrrr

[Incontrast to Purrl, who would purr if I so much as said her name, Jenny is notas demonstrative—except in the morning when we cuddle, and at night when it’stime for bed.]

5:00a.m.

Jenny:Mom! Mom! Outside? Outside!

[Andso the demands begin… and will continue until the dogs are fed and walked andthe sun has risen sufficiently to allow her out to the back yard. In themeantime….]

6:00a.m.

Jenny:Mom! Mom! Treats? Treats?!?

Me:Yes, Jen, hang on. Thomas gets his treats first because he went walking. Andwhat did you do? Tell me again why you get treats, dearest? For watching outthe window while we walked? For meeting us at the door? I’m not sure what thisreward is for, but here you go, little girl.

6:05a.m.

Jenny:Mom! Mom! Outside!

Me:Ok, Ok, good grief. Go on out there. Do not bring a mouse back with you.

6:30a.m.

Jenny:[Running to the living room and opening her jaws to deposit a live mouse on thefloor, which promptly skitters under my writing desk] Mom! Mom! Baby!

Me:Jen! Good grief! You didn’t hurt him, did you?

[Shenever does. She brings them in and chases them around until they’re exhaustedenough for me to scoop into an empty oatmeal can. The last mouse she brought inwas more afraid of me than it was her, and when I tried to get it, the poorthing ran to where Jenny lay on the floor like a sphinx, and it cowered againsther chest. Her response? She just sat there, harboring the fugitive with a smuggrin on her face. Cats. Sheesh.]

9:00a.m.

Naptimebegins… and goes on and on throughout the day, with occasional interludes for cattreats (if the dogs get one) and exchanges such as these:

1:00p.m.

Jenny: Mom. [Waking me from a nap]

Me: [Whispering, so as not to wake Thomas] Up here, baby. Jump up on the bed.

Jenny: Mom. Sleepy. [Flopping over next to my side and going back to sleep]

5:00p.m.

Me:Jen! You’re up! Hi, baby. Wanna cuddle with Mom? Wanna eat your dinner?

Jenny:  [Silence, as she strolls haughtily past me and through the open door to the back yard]

[Ican’t blame her. I don’t like to chat when I wake from my nap, either.]

6:00p.m.[As Jenny jumps onto the kitchen table, flopping over next to where I amsitting, trying to have a phone conversation with The Very Special Man in My Life]

Jenny:Mom. Talking?

Me:Yes, honey. Shhhh….

Jenny:Mom. Pet Jenny.

Me:Of course. Shhhh….

Jenny:Mom! Mom! Look!

Me:Good grief. What?

Jenny:[Looking out the window] Bird!

Me:I see it.

VerySpecial Man: Is that Jenny? What’s she saying?

[Note:This is how you know a man is very special, when he understands that if the catis talking, she must be saying something of import.]

6:30p.m.[As I attempt to resume my conversation with the human]

Jenny:[Puffing up to twice her size] Mom! Mom! Look!

Me:What, Jen?

Jenny:DOG! [Her eyes track Ace, the large collie who lives down the street andpasses our house every single day at this time on his way to the dog park with oneof his humans.]

Me:Yes, Jen. It’s Ace. Again. You’re safe, baby. Might be a good idea to stay innow—

Jenny:[Jumping down from the table] Outside!

7:00p.m.

Me:[Calling into the back yard] Jen! Time to come in now!

Jenny:[Grumbling as she trots back along the walkway toward the door] Why? Why? Whycome in? Now? Right now? Why?

Me:[Shaking the can with cat treats] Come on, stop complaining. I’ll give you atreat for coming in.

Jenny:Treat?!?

8:00p.m.

Jenny:Mom! Mom! Bedtime!

Me:I know, dearest. Let me finish this—

Jenny:Mom! Treat time! Bedtime!

Me:OK! OK!

8:30p.m.

Jenny:RRRrrrRRRrrrRRRrrr