Guest Post from Robert Zimmermann
Hey gang! Today we have a guest post from the talented Robert Zimmermann.
To begin, I’d like to thank the amazing S.M. Boyce for asking me onto her blog. It’s not always easy for me to put my words onto paper, so I don’t normally go around discussing my work. When Boyce suggested doing a guest post, I had to man up and accept the offer. You really can’t say no to her, it’s like saying no to a little puppy who wants to play….you just can’t say no.
Last week I had an overwhelming experience of having some of my poetry published. This is a first for me, sort of. I have been published during college in the school’s newspaper, The Racquette. I was a regular addition to the creative writing section, but that section often went overlooked and many times was cut from the paper. Also, in my last semester of college, the North Country Literary Magazine (the school’s lit mag) published an early form of my poem “Change of Address.” While these are both accomplishments for any writer, being published by a reputable organization like Albany Poets gives me much more excitement.
Of the poems that have been published two stand out from the rest. There is a fair amount of emotion that went into writing all of these poems; “Stuck” and “Your Blue Suit” are no exception.
From reading these poems it can easily be found what they are about. These are two poems dealing with the dying/death of my grandfather. The events that inspired these two poems happened roughly a year apart from each other, which to me show how much of an influence certain things can have on an individual’s life. I was never close to my grandfather in the way I know many of my friends are with their grandparents. For all of my life I have been hours away from them. I would only see them a few weekends of the year, and maybe a week or two in the summer. There wasn’t much room for bonding over the years, and I’m really not a person to talk on the phone.
During the time when I was getting old enough to see the people in my life for who they were and develop a family bond with them was around the same time my grandfather was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. I didn’t know what it was really; I still don’t know its full nature to be honest. In my later teens was when the disease really took hold of him. He lost the ability to walk without assistance, had a hard time speaking, and other symptoms. When he was doing better was when he was on a few medications. The problem with that was, although he might have been able to walk easier and be more coherent, he also would have vivid hallucinations leading to him seeing people (or worse) in the apartment, or he’d try to leave the building to go somewhere all while being unaware of reality. The doctors would constantly try to find the best medications for him in order to make his life the best it could be while limiting the side effects.
Most of this I don’t know from being there. Most of what I witnessed was him sitting at the kitchen table or in his recliner in front of a Mets game. Being as young and unsympathetic (I hate to admit it) as I was at the time, I didn’t fully appreciate the time I did still have with him. It’s now, as cliché as it is to say, that I realize that I wanted to know him more. He was a great man, but I can only speculate who he would have been in my eyes. These poems are an attempt to bring out my feelings on his passing, but also an attempt to reach out for any sort of relationship I can have with him.
Fast forward to last May. This was when we had the unveiling of my grandfather’s headstone, a year after his passing. This was a new concept to me. I have attended a few funerals as a child, but I was very young and we never came back for the unveiling. Apparently in the Jewish faith the headstone is unveiled a year after the burial when the spirit finally is at peace, or something like that. I honestly didn’t hear most of the ceremony and explanation… I was bawling my eyes out the entire time once I saw the name carved into the stone.
What was the strangest thing for me was that I was the only one crying. Even my grandmother’s eyes were dry (or at least almost). It’s another part of the tradition, a small bit I heard from the rabbi, that it wasn’t a time for crying or sadness; it was a time for happiness for the deceased loved one because they were finally wherever it is Jewish souls go.
But I was the odd one out. I wasn’t able to attend the funeral (see “Stuck”) and while that was one of the most emotionally painful things at the time, being there in the cemetery was as if this were the funeral. I hope that everyone who attended realized that so I didn’t look like I was disrespecting anyone’s traditions or souring a “happy” moment. I’m sure they did.
Now that you’ve gotten a little history lesson about two of my poems, and my recent years, I’d like to give you a treat; a very small treat. Sadly it’s not candy, cookies, and I don’t have cupcakes for anyone. What I do have is a bit of a preview. The next poem I plan on writing will be linked very close with “Your Blue Suit” and “Stuck.” It will be centered on my day at the cemetery; my day of what should have been closer, and I still don’t know if it was.
Most of the poems that I have written for a future collection, and the ones that will be written, have brought me on a strongly emotionally fueled journey to find myself. Not just who I am, but what I went through and to fully realize the good that came out of it through the bad. Writing this collection has been and continues to be the greatest form of therapy I can suggest to anyone. It can be hard to get words on paper. There will be many, many tears shed. But once the words are out and the situations brought to life again, that’s when I found the real healing and growing occurs.
For those out there who need to get through something, I suggest writing it down. It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare. It just needs to be honest and be true to yourself and no one needs to read it. Write for yourself and it’ll be one of the most fulfilling things you can do in life.
Learn more about Rob and connect with him online. He’s a cool guy and a lot of fun!
