I Am Not Funny

She says her name's DavidWith the funny accent.Like Oscar the livid,Don't know where her thoughts went.Despite every offer,I don't even know her.
She reads me way betterThan I read my writing.She's never a quitterWhen it comes to reading.But I should pay the price:She's planning my demise.
O she's stuck in her head.She wishes I was dead.She hates what I just said.
How I wish she could beMy confidant, my friend,And my neighbor-to-be.All the things I could lend.Make her laugh herself skinny,But I am not funny.