How to Get Away with Murder

An entertaining, but hopefully not helpful, post at Kill Zone Blog: How to Get Away with Murder

What Not to Do

a. Don’t leave evidence behind

b. Don’t take evidence with you as a little souvenir

c. Don’t get seen

d. Never confess

You know, I’m remembering one or another true-crime book I’ve read where the murderer hires some lowlife, undependable, incompetent guy to actually do the deed. What a terrible idea! It seems absolutely rock-bottom obvious that you should absolutely not involve random other people in your crimes. Do it yourself.

I guess that’s part of point (c).

Of course modern forensics is good enough that it can be tricky to avoid leaving evidence behind. Everyone who reads murder mysteries knows that murderers are always making little mistakes that turn out to be their downfall.

Meanwhile:

What to Do:

a. Cause an arterial gas embolism

b. Poison

c. Oh, there’s no (c), just those two methods.

Well, that’s chintzy. I certainly expect blogs offering suggestions about how to get away with murder to offer a few more options.

Not that there’s anything wrong with arterial gas embolism, other than getting your victim to hold still while you inject an air bubble.

Anyway! Here is a funny and more extensive article about how to get away with murder. I trust you’ll enjoy it without finding it of any practical use.

Always do it all yourself. The fewer people you include, the fewer people you will have to kill later. If you want to get away with murder, no one else can know about it. Not your mom, not the cat. You should probably avoid even making eye contact with anyone while you’re thinking about the murder. Maybe that person is clairvoyant. You don’t know. The more people who know about your murder the more people you may have to someday murder to keep them quiet. Because they’ll blackmail you and stuff; people are such creeps. And word to the wise: if you build an awesome killer ninja robot to be your accomplice, then you will have to take the whole thing apart after the murder is done and then hide all the bloody pieces. Don’t accumulate witnesses or conspirators. It will only increase your chances of getting caught.

See? That is very good advice. Especially about watching out for possible clairvoyants.

Please Feel Free to Share:

The post How to Get Away with Murder appeared first on Rachel Neumeier.