Please Don´t Say ‘Please’: Guest Post by Per Holbo

This week's guest post comes from Per Holbo, a Danish writer. And he's here to talk about his culture, and how the word "please" just doesn't exist in their language.



On with the post:




Mishaps due to cultural differences


Imagine sitting with your family for Sunday dinner and one of your guests suddenly says: ‘could you pass me the salt?’




Wouldn´t it strike you as a bit rude? Wouldn´t all of you think what your mother would say out loud? You know, ‘say the magic word!’



Well, if you ever have a Scandinavian visitor, this might just be what you could experience, because in Danish, Norwegian and Swedish ‘please’ simply doesn't exist!



Whenever different cultures meet, there´s bound to be issues of differing understanding. We can say the exact same thing, but we mean it completely different. We can do something in one culture to be polite, but if we do it in another culture it´s considered very impolite.



One of the most difficult things for me as a Dane is how to be polite when I ask for something and the reason is the above mentioned: ‘Please’ does not exist in Danish. We simply do not have a word for it and it strikes us a very odd thing indeed, that you can say the most appalling things in English, as long as your sentences end with ‘please.’ (yeah, I know, it´s taking this a bit too far, but I think you get the idea.) In Danish, saying ‘pass the salt’ would be considered a command and the very idea that a single word in the end of it could be enough to soften it? Hmm... no...



But since we don´t have the word ‘please’ in our language we need other ways to be polite. We do this by softening the command structured sentence into something where the recipient has a choice. A phrase like ‘pass me the salt’ then becomes something like ‘could you pass me the salt’ or ‘would you pass me the salt?’ See, how the command is changed into a polite question?



When people who´s first language does contain ‘please’ (such as the German ‘bitte’) ask for a translation, Danes would often try to give them one, but since it doesn´t exist, we may try to translate the word to a few words that means just about the same as ‘please.’ For instance, it could be translated to ‘hvis du vil være så venlig’ (in English: ‘if you would be so kind’) but as you can probably see, this doesn´t do ‘please’ justice. Using such a translation is nothing more than interpreting the word ‘please’ as we Danes understand it. And obviously we´ve got it all wrong. ‘Please’ doesn´t mean ‘if you would be so kind’ but much rather means something like ‘then I would be pleased.’



This is where things can really go wrong. All English speaking people I´ve met, that being Americans, British, Canadian or others, have always made an effort to be as polite as they can be. Thus coming to Scandinavia they´ve all tried to somehow implement the suggestions we stupid Danes have given them. Let me tell you: this is a mistake.



Why? Well, that´s complicated, so this is the point where you really need to hold tight. The Danish are what you might call an unimpressed people. We don´t put too much in traditions and form (or so we like to think... the truth is somewhat different, but maybe I´ll get back to that in another post, if Joseph will let me...?) Danes are also a people of mediocrity. We take pride in being equal (hence our welfare state or ‘flexicurity’ as economics like to call our economic system) and any attempt to set yourself aside as being either posh or poor, high or low, or in any other way try to exalt or lower yourself is not being looked well upon. This means that being polite is good, but you shouldn´t overdo it.



Therefore, if someone were to exaggerate the politeness, there could only be one of two reasons: either that person is a ‘brown nose’ and obviously we don’t care much for those or that person is using a Danish specialty when it comes to language: the ironic exaggeration. Overdoing politeness, what you really mean is the very opposite of being polite. ‘Shut the door, if you would be so kind’ really means ‘I´ve told you a thousand times! Now, shut that door already!’



So, here is a suggestion when learning to speak Danish and wanting to be polite: keep it simple and just ask if people would do this or that and even if you get it wrong, they will forgive you. But please don´t try to say ‘please’ in Danish. It doesn´t exist...



Great post!




If you want to hear more from Per, then here are his links!


Blog

Amazon

Smashwords




Also, I'm looking for more people to guest blog... probably for next Friday, so email me at josepheastwood@ymail.com if you're interested!




-Joseph




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